Garfield Mukeni Style
by tiedwithribbons
Summary: While I was reading my old Garfield books, this came into my head. I don't know if it's any good, but I hope you like it.
1. Chapter 1

**While I was reading my old Garfield books, this came into my head. As you can probably tell from the title, it's a Mukeni version of Garfield. Arukenimon is Garfield (but not so fat and gluttonous), Mummymon is Odie (but he speaks) and Oikawa is Jon! I hope you like it!**

**Oh, I should Mention, in this fanfic, Arukenimon has a liking for cannelloni. Well, I had to do something to make her more like Garfield!**

Arukenimon wakes up, yawns, and walks towards the window. Her eyes light up and she gasps. "Oh my! Just look at that gorgeous sunrise!"

She smiles. "Mother nature certainly uses every color on her vast palette to paint a dawn. Truly blessed are we, the early risers."

Oikawa walks up. "Have you ever seen a more beautiful sunset, Arukenimon?"

"Hmmm... I must have overslept."

Arukenimon is looking through the drawers. "Hello, what's this?"

She pulls out a stuffed toy pig. "A pig. A dumb, stupid, silly-looking old stuffed pig."

She smiles, and holds him close to her. "I think I'll call him Porkchop."

Arukenimon is asleep when Oikawa bursts into the bedroom and shakes her awake. "WAKE UP, SLEEPYHEAD!"

He leads her outside. "We're having breakfast on the patio this morning."

He sits at the table, and gestures at the rising sun. "Because I want to share this beautiful sunrise with you."

He sighs wistfully. "Where else can you find a living, breathing work of art created just for you? Fresh with the promise of a bright new day? Have you ever seen a more glorious sight, Arukenimon? Uh, Arukenimon?

He notices that she has fallen asleep again, her head on the table. "Get your face out of the scrambled eggs, Arukenimon."

Arukenimon finishes eating something and places the bones on a plate. As she starts to walk off, Oikawa enters and sees the remains of her snack. "MY CHICKEN!"

He gives her a furious glare. "As long as you ate my chicken, Arukenimon, why don't you..."

He throws the mashed potatoes at her. "EAT MY MASHED POTATOES!"

He tips the peas over her head. "AND MY PEAS!"

He grabs the rest of the food and stuffs it in her mouth. "AND MY RADISHES! AND MY CELERY!"

As he storms off, Arukenimon blinks. "I think he's upset."

Arukenimon is sitting at a table. "Oh, waiter, I'll have the escargot and truffles for an appetizer, then the duck a l'orange flambe and some cappuccino."

"Eat up, Arukeni." says Mummymon, placing a bowl of ramen in front of her.

"Talk about lowering one's sights..." she sighs.

Oikawa hands Arukenimon the sugar pot. "Help yourself, Arukenimon."

He turns to get the coffee pot, and looks back to see she has tipped the entire pot into her cup. "Would you like a little coffee in that sugar?"

"Hey, Arukenimon, what say we have potatoes for dinner?" asks Mummymon.

He looks thoughtful. "Gee, it's been a long time since I fixed potatoes."

"Tell me about it" remarks Arukenimon, holding up a sprouting potato.

Oikawa opens the fridge and looks in. "I wonder if I should clean the refrigerator?"

"The bacon is grazing on the lettuce and he asks if the refrigerator need cleaning." mutters Arukenimon.

Arukenimon is sitting at a table. "I know Oikawa said no more snacks, but I had a weak moment."

"Someone tore the door off the refrigerator!" Oikawa yells from the kitchen.

"A weak yet intense moment."

Mummymon is standing at the stove when Arukenimon walks up. "Morning, Arukeni. How would you like your egg prepared?"

Arukenimon picks up an egg. "Well, let's see, I would like it hatched. Raise it to young chickenhood on a diet of corn, barley and molasses, then barbecue it. I should think a steak sauce and honey glaze would be nice."

The egg slips from her fingers and breaks on the counter. "On second thoughts, I'll have it scrambled."

Arukenimon and Oikawa are at the diner.

"What comes with the dinner?" Oikawa asks the waitress.

"Bread and your choice of potato."

"What are my choices?"

"Cooked or raw."

"The ritz, this ain't." remarks Arukenimon.

Arukenimon is sitting on the sofa holding Porkchop, her toy pig, when Oikawa storms up. "Okay, who knocked my fern off the windowsill?"

Arukenimon quickly points at Porkchop. "Um...he did!"

Oikawa sweatdrops. "I don't know which to be more upset about - the fact that you're lying to me or the credit you're giving my intelligence."

**Well, I hope you liked it! Please read and review if you did!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Well, here's Chapter 2. Please read and review!**

Oikawa and Arukenimon are sitting at a table. Oikawa notices that Arukenimon is sweating.

"You look guilty about something, Arukenimon." he remarks. "Did you eat my pie?"

She shakes her head. "Your pepper steak."

*

Arukenimon is holding her stuffed pig, Porkchop, and looking at a plate of food. She places Porkchop's face in the food.

"My personal food taster."

*

Arukenimon is holding a lemon meringue pie when Mummymon appears. She SPLOOTS the pie in his face.

Oikawa walks up. "What's that?"

"Lemon meringue Mummymon."

*

Oikawa is eating a sandwich, when suddenly the salt starts to move by itself. He looks around, and sees Arukenimon pulling the tablecloth so that the salt reaches her.

"You could've asked me to pass the salt."

"I don't ask. I take." she answers.

*

Arukenimon is trying to put ketchup on her burger, but the bottle is clogged up. She starts to get angry, and shakes harder and harder until it bluts out all over her.

Oikawa walks up. "When are you going to learn to control that temper of yours, Arukenimon?"

"The exact same instant they invent an easy pouring ketchup." she snaps.

*

Arukenimon flips some eggs. "Uh-oh! Too hard!"

She covers her eyes, but nothing happens.

"Why haven't those eggs come down? Maybe they stuck to the ceiling. Maybe I shoul look."

She does, and the eggs fall onto her face.

*

Mummymon places a hot pan of cannelloni on the sideboard. "Hey, Arukenimon, don't eat the cannelloni yet. It's still too hot."

We see that Arukenimon has come up behind him, and stuffed the whole thing in her mouth. Her face is red and her ears are steaming. "You're telling me?!"

*

Oikawa is about to sit down, but the chair is suddenly pulled away, and he falls on the floor. He glares at Arukenimon, who is holding the chair. "Any last words, Arukenimon?"

"How about 'Gotcha'?"

*

Arukenimon is sitting at a table with a steak, a glass of milk and a bowl of salad before her.

"I love a well-balanced meal. Something from the four basic food groups. Meat, vegetable, dairy and ketchup."

We see a small bottle of ketchup on the table.

*

Oikawa is shaking some salt onto a meal, when the top falls off and salt pours everywhere.

"Ok, who loosened the top on my saltshaker?!"

He glares at Arukenimon, who has a broad smile on her face.

"Arukenimon, that wasn't very nice."

"You're right." she agrees. "That wasn't very nice." She starts sniggering. "But it was extremely funny."

*

Arukenimon stands before the sink, a plate of food in her hand.

"An interesting thing about food. One minute it may be Haute Cuisine..."

She drops the plate in the sink. "But the instant you put it in the sink, it becomes garbage."

*

Oikawa and the digimon are at the beach.

"Arukenimon, I wish you wouldn't keep burying Mummymon in the sand."

"Big deal." thinks Arukenimon. "I only buried him up to his knees."

We see that, while she has indeed buried him up to his knees, she has buried him upside down, so that his legs are sticking out of the sand.

*

Arukenimon and Mummymon are walking through town, when a tough biker chick bops Mummymon on the head hard. Immediately, Arukenimon puches the biker chick into the distance.

"No-one beats up on Mummymon but me."

*

Arukenimon is sitting on the sofa, glaring, as Mummymon comes up behind her.

"Do you know what I hate about Mummymon? He's so...so..."

Mummymon leans over the back of the sofa and nuzzles her. "Friendly."

*

Arukenimon and Mummymon are out driving.

"I'm bored. I think I'll step out for some fresh air." says Arukenimon.

As she opens the door and steps out, Mummymon shrieks "ARUKENIMON! WE ARE GOING OVER 50!"

Arukenimon re-enters the car. Her hair is mussed up and there is a startled look on her face. "So I noticed."

*

Arukenimon is sitting by the window. "Windows are great. They offer a front row seat to life's passing parade."

A bird flies into the window with a THUD. "They are also good for a laugh or two."

*

Arukenimon pulls at a loose thread in Oikawa's shirt. As she pulls it, the shirt unravels. She keeps pulling until the whole thing has nearly unravelled.

"Arukenimon, you seem to be preoccupied this week." says Oikawa.

Arukenimon looks up. "Huh?"

*

Oikawa is sitting at a table with a steak in front of him. Arukenimon walks up.

"Isn't that Halley's comet?!" As Oikawa turns to look, she steals the steak, and hides it behind her back.

Oikawa turns back to her. "Arukenimon, did you take my steak?"

"Who? Little ol' me?" She holds out her hands.

"Look, I don't have your crummy old steak." Then she realises something. "HEY! I DON'T HAVE YOUR CRUMMY OLD STEAK!"

As Oikawa leaves, Arukenimon looks behind her, and glares at Mummymon, who burps slightly.

"I'm going to get you for this, Mummymon."

*

Arukenimon is eating jellybeans from a jar.

"These green jellybeans are pretty tasty. I don't care if they ARE Oikawa's favourite, I'm going to eat them all."

Mummymon walks up, and she smiles at him.

"Why, hello there, Mummymon. Here, you may have the last green jellybean."

She places it in front of him. "Aren't I sweet?"

Oikawa walks up. "My last green jellybean! I'm going to kill you, Mummymon!"

Arukenimon smirks. "The plot thickens."

*

"Well, Arukenimon, here we are in the great outdoors." says Oikawa.

"It's outdoors alright, but I'd debate the great." mutters Arukenimon.

"Just listen to the sounds of nature." Oikawa sighs.

"Sounds like noise to me."

"Nature can actually speak to you, you know."

"Go on." Arukenimon scoffs.

"Hear that? Nature is speaking to you now."

Arukenimon places a hand to her ear. "Wait, I do hear something...I HEAR IT! I HEAR IT! Nature is saying, 'Arukenimon, you're a long way from your warm bed and television set."

*

Arukenimon walks past Mummymon. She switches to digimon form, and walks up a small pine tree, which bends under her weight. She gets off, and holds the end of the tree down.

"I am about to outdo myself."

She lets the tree go, and it whaps Mummymon on the head.

*

Oikawa walks up to a flower in a pot. "Hi, hi, daisy-waisy. Would you wike some wa-wa?"

"Oh boysy-woysy." mutters Arukenimon.

Oikawa waters the flower, then turns to Arukenimon. "If you speak nicely to plants, they grow better, Arukenimon."

"Bologna." Arukenimon snorts. As Oikawa leaves, she turns to the plant.

"DIE!"

And sure enough, the plant dies. "Live and learn."

*

Arukenimon and Mummymon are outside.

"Mummymon, all you ever do is stare and smile. You're too happy, and that's not healthy. People don't trust a chronically happy person." She extends her arms to the heavens. "Who could possibly love a grinning idiot like you?"

Just then, it starts to rain. The only place where the rain doesn't fall is on Mummymon.

"You stay out of this!" Arukenimon snaps at the sky.

*

Oikawa is watching TV when Arukenimon walks up and changes the channel.

"HEY!" snaps Oikawa, changing the channel back. "I was watching 'Cheerleader High'."

"Well, I'm watching 'Wonder Spider'!" Arukenimon snaps back, changing the channel again. She rips the channel changer knob off the TV, and throws both it and the remote control out the window. "I was much more passive before I became a Wonder Spider cadet."

*

Oikawa, Arukenimon and Mummymon are sitting on the sofa in front of the TV.

"This is it , guys." says Oikawa. "Tonight we find out who the Phantom Ripper is. He's stepping out of the shadows now..."

On the TV, someone shrieks "Oh no! It's...it's you! AYIEEEE!" Oikawa, Arukenimon and Mummymon clap their hands over their eyes.

A few seconds later, Oikawa lowers his hands and turns off the TV. "Good movie." He turns to Arukenimon and Mummymon. "Who was he?"

Mummymon punches Oikawa in the arm and Arukenimon slaps him around the head. "We thought YOU were watching!"

*

Arukenimon and Mummymon are fast asleep, Arukenimon on the sofa and Mummymon on the floor. It is a very rainy night. Suddenly, there is a loud KABOOM of lightning, and the two of them run to Oikawa's room and bury themselves under his blanket.

Needless to say, he's not impressed. "Alright, you two, get out of here. It's only a little thunderstorm."

As they leave, he sighs. "Digimon...they're just like kids."

There is another loud KABOOM of lightning, and he jumps out of bed and runs to the sofa, hiding under the blanket with Arukenimon and Mummymon.

"Give me some room, will you?" he says.

"Ooof!" gasps Mummymon.

"Hey! Your feet are cold!" snaps Arukenimon.

**So that's chapter 2 done and dusted. Please review, even if it's only to offer criticism.**


	3. Chapter 3

**OK, here's Chapter 3! Enjoy.**

Arukenimon sticks her hand out of bed and frowns.

"It's Monday out there. I can feel it in the air. I hate Mondays. I'm sure the world will end on a Monday...at least, I hope it does. It'd be a shame to end the world right before a weekend."

*

Arukenimon, Mummymon and Oikawa are at the movies. Oikawa notices Mummymon is chewing gum and blowing bubbles with it. "I probably shouldn't ask this, but where did Mummymon get the bubble gum?"

"Don't ask, and don't look under the seats." answers Arukenimon.

*

Arukenimon is siiting under an apple tree, when an apple falls on her head. "OUCH!"

She gets up and angrily kicks the tree. "You stupid apple tree!"

All the apples fall on her. "I really must learn to curb this temper of mine."

*

Arukenimon stomps past a mirror, a furious expression on her face. "Mondays, I hate Mondays. It seems like I just get done with one, and another one comes along!"

She glares into the mirror, then smiles. "Did you know you're cute when you're angry?"

*

Arukenimon puts her hand out of bed, and feels around.

"OH NO! It's not there! I'm not getting out of bed without it! Not without my morning cup of coffee."

*

Oikawa and Arukenimon are sitting at a table. Arukenimon taps Oikawa on the shoulder, causing him to let out a huge shriek.

"WHAT?!"

"Are you over that sunburn yet?"

*

Oikawa walks up to Arukenimon, wearing a t-shirt that says "I Love Spiders" and with an angry expression. "SOMEONE threw out all my shirts but this one."

"I didn't do it! It wasn't me!" protests Arukenimon. Oikawa doesn't believe her, and shoves her out of the cabin.

A few minutes later, Mummymon steps out, wearing a checkered shirt, and with a sly smile on his face. "I told you I'd make you pay for insulting last night's dinner."

*

Arukenimon sits up in bed. "Mondays are so... so... so.... What's the word I'm looking for?"

A pie hits her in the face, and the word "DREARY" flashes up.

*

Arukenimon is staring out of the window with a pair of binoculars. Oikawa walks up to her.

"What are you doing with those binoculars, Arukenimon?"

"I'm checking something out." She looks both ways. "Yup...I was right. There's boredom just as far as the eye can see."

*

Oikawa stands before an oven, holding a pan. "And now the world-class pancake flipper will demonstrate his skill."

He flips the pan, and the uncooked pancake lands on his face.

"Pardon my ignorance, Mr World-Class Pancake Flipper, but shouldn't the stove be turned on first?" Arukenimon asks sarcastically.

*

Arukenimon stands before a large twine ball. "World's largest ball of twine, huh?"

She spots a small wedge underneath the ball. "I wonder what this is for?" As she removes it, the ball starts moving. "Uh-oh!"

She runs frantically, the ball following her, but as it rolls, it slowly unravels. As she runs into the the cabin and hides behind Oikawa, the ball has unravelled so much, it is now a mere piece of string.

Oikawa holds her sarcastically. "Don't worry, Arukenimon! I'll protect you from that fierce piece of string!"

Arukenimon glares. "I hate him."

*

Oikawa stirs a cup of coffee. "Last year was an ok year, Arukenimon, but this year is gonna be even better!" He lifts the cup to his mouth, but lets out a yelp of pain.

"...As Mr Spoon meets Mr Eye." mutters Arukenimon.

*

Arukenimon stands before the bedroom. Oikawa's voice can be heard. "Are you ready for this, Arukenimon?"

He jumps out of the room, wearing a blue golf shirt with red spots, a fluorescent pink and neon-green checked hat and purple and orange strriped trousers. "TAH-DAH!"

Arukenimon screams and faints. "Are you alright?" Oikawa asks.

"Next time, warn me before you get ready to play golf!"

*

"I'm going golfing, Arukenimon. Will you be my caddy?" asks Oikawa.

"No way! I'm nobody's slave!"

"That's ok. I have somebody else in mind, anyway."

Mummymon walks up, wearing the same outfit as Oikawa.

"Hello, caddy." says Oikawa.

"We're doomed." groans Arukenimon.

*

At the golf course, Oikawa tries to hit a golf ball, only to miss and spin like a tornado.

"I think you swing too hard." remarks Arukenimon.

*

Oikawa putts a golf ball toward a hole, only for it to be stomped on by Arukenimon.

"WHAT DID YOU DO THAT FOR?!"

"You should thank me. You almost lost your ball down that hole."

*

Oikawa approaches a hole with Arukenimon and Mummymon. "Fetch the ball, caddy."

Instead of just pulling it out of the hole, Mummymon starts digging with his bare hands.

"MUMMYMON!" shrieks Oikawa. As Mummymon hands him the ball, he gives the Digimon a look. "Let's talk."

Arukenimon notices something. "Here comes the groundskeeper, and yes, I do believe he's carrying a gun."

*

"How's your coffee this morning, Arukenimon?" asks Mummymon.

"A little weak." replies Arukenimon. She tips the coffee out of her cup. It is a solid lump, and hits the saucer with a THUD. "See? It didn't even crack the plate."

*

"Let's see what kind of day it is." says Arukenimon, as she opens the blind. As she does so, however, it zips up, pulling her with it, and wrapping her in it. "It appears to be a Monday."

*

Arukenimon is wrapped up in the window blind. Oikawa walks up. "I'll get you out of there, Arukenimon."

When he tries, however, he ends up wrapped up in it.

"My hero." says Arukenimon sarcastically.

*

Arukenimon and Oikawa are wrapped up in the window blind. Mummymon walks past.

"Mummymon! Mummymon! Pull the blind down!" cries Oikawa.

"Ok, boss."

Mummymon does, but also gets wrapped up in it.

"Our hero." says Arukenimon sarcastically.

*

Arukenimon, Mummymon and Oikawa are wrapped up in the window blind.

"I wonder how we're going to get out of here?" remarks Oikawa. As if in answer to his question, the braces supporting the blind suddenly give way, causing them to crash onto the floor.

"Isn't that the way? Just when everything looks hopeless, things work out." says Oikawa happily.

"I love happy endings." mutters Arukenimon.

*

Arukenimon, Mummymon and Oikawa appear to be sitting close to each other.

"You know guys, it's nice to spend some quality time together and really visit. Remember the time you got wrapped up in the window blind, Arukenimon? And then I got caught in it trying to get you free? Then, to top it off, Mummymon got caught in it trying to save us! (Sigh) It seems like only yesterday."

"It WAS yesterday, you twit!" snaps Arukenimon. We see that she, Mummymon and Oikawa are still wrapped in the blind.

"Boss..." begins Mummymon.

"No, you can't go to the bathroom, Mummymon!"

*

Arukenimon, Mummymon and Oikawa are walking through town, wrapped in the blind.

"Sir, would you help us out of this window blind?" Oikawa asks a bespectecled businessman in a gray suit.

"Sure." says the businessman. He gives the blind a tug, but gets wrapped up in it with them.

They arrive home. "The cabin isn't much, but we call it home." says Oikawa.

"What's for dinner?" asks the businessman.

*

Arukenimon, Mummymon, Oikawa and the businessman are walking through town, wrapped in the blind, when an old woman runs up. "Stop right there! I know weirdos when I see them!"

She hits the group with her umbrella, but ends up wrapped up with them. "Ok, you have me. Do with me what you will."

"Let's kill her." suggests Arukenimon.

"Shut up, Arukenimon." snaps Oikawa.

*

Arukenimon, Mummymon, Oikawa, the businessman and the old woman are walking through town, wrapped in the blind. (**AN: Boy, this is getting repetitious!**)

"I wonder how many more people are going to get trapped in this blind before this nightmare is over?" says Oikawa. He then notices that they have somehow acquired a lamppost. "OK! Where did the lamppost come from?!"

"I think Mummymon had something to do with it." remarks Arukenimon.

*

The group wrapped in the blind are with a fireman.

"Hold tight, folks." says the fireman. He cuts them free with a pair of scissors. "You're free!"

The group cheers and walks off. They are clearly happy to be free.

"This is great!" says the businessman.

"It's nice to have some elbow room." says Oikawa.

"You can say that again!" exclaims the old woman.

However, they are still bunched together.

*

Oikawa is sitting at a table with a cup of coffee. "Gee, I didn't know we had any of those flavoured coffees."

As he takes a sip, a sniffing Mummymon walks up.

"I found your cough-drop." says Arukenimon. Oikawa goes bug-eyed (O_O).

**Well, that takes care of Chapter 3! Read and review!**


	4. Chapter 4

**Hold onto your hats, folks! Here we go with Chapter 4!**

Oikawa answers the door to the postman. "All right! It's here!"

He carries the package he recieved to the sitting room, and opens it. "Look, Arukenimon! It's the world's largest balloon!"

"We'll see about that."

Arukenimon takes the balloon, and starts blowing it up. "Uh...that's pretty big, Arukenimon."

"You ain't seen nothing yet."

She keeps blowing, and it keeps getting bigger and bigger, until it fills the room.

"That's enough, Arukenimon!" cries Oikawa.

"Never!"

"TIE IT OFF! TIE IT OFF!"

"It's either me or this balloon!"

Unbeknownst to either of them, the cabin has lifted into the air.

*

Arukenimon adjusts the volume control on the radio. "Huh, the radio's all the way up, and there's no sound. I'd better tell Oikawa."

We see that the reason there's no sound is that Oikawa is wearing headphones and listening to it. The huge increase in volume has nearly given him a heart attack.

*

"How about a nice, quiet breakfast for two, Arukenimon?" asks Mummymon.

"Great idea!"

Mummymon leaves to get the paper, but as he steps outside, the door is slammed and locked.

"Sometimes Mummymon can be so thoughtful." Arukenimon says to the mirror she has placed next to her.

*

Arukenimon notices the cellar door is open. "Just look at this! Someone has left the cellar door open! Oikawa has told me a hundred times to keep it closed, or somebody might get hurt."

She slams the door, then we hear a thumping sound, as if someone had fallen downstairs. She opens the door, and sees Oikawa lying on the floor, the laundry basket over his face, and laundry everywhere.

"Sorry about that, Oikawa."

*

Arukenimon is fast asleep, when she is awoken by a sawing sound. When she sits up, she sees that a saw is sawing through the floor around her bed. "Must be Monday."

*

"This is the last cup of coffee in the house." says Oikawa. As he lifts the cup to his lips, Arukenimon holds up a chalkboard and removes her glove.

"Nails on a chalkboard!"

"And you may have it." He hands her the cup.

"Why, thank you."

*

Arukenimon and Mummymon are near a road.

"Remember to look both ways before crossing the street, Mummymon." says Arukenimon. Mummymon does, but as he crosses, there is the sound of a screeching car, and he jumps into Arukenimon's arms.

"The point being, of course, to see if there are any cars coming." she mutters.

*

"Let's go fishing, Arukenimon." says Oikawa. He is wearing a stupid-looking fishing outfit. "Well, what do you think?"

"I think you're right." Arukenimon remarks. As he walks off, she mutters "Fish paralyzed by hysterical fits of laughter probably ARE easier to catch."

*

"Got my equipment, got my flies. Let's go fishing!" says Oikawa. As he passes near the curtains, however, he stops. "Hang on, Arukenimon! My body is hooked to the drapes."

"This is going to be a long day." mutters Arukenimon.

*

Arukenimon and Oikawa are at the fishing lake.

"Remember, Arukenimon, the key to fishing is paitence. The ability to remain motionless for hours." Then he realises she isn't answering him. "Arukenimon?"

A snore comes from the bottom of the boat, where she has fallen asleep.

"That's my girl." Oikawa deadpans.

*

Arukenimon and Oikawa row to the pier of the fishing lake.

"Catch anything?" asks the lake owner.

"Yes, but we threw them back." says Oikawa.

"They were in danger of being eaten by the bait." says Arukenimon.

*

"I'm so proud of myself!" announces Arukenimon. "I'm down to one cup of coffee a day." She walks up to a huge cup of coffee and two plates of doughnuts. "However, I am up to 50 doughnuts."

*

Oikawa is sitting at a table, when a puddle of syrup appears, slowly growing bigger and bigger. "That's enough syrup on your pancakes, Arukenimon."

"Cheapskate."

*

Arukenimon and Oikawa are at the diner when the waitress walks up. "How's your coffee, hon?"

"It's a bit strong." says Oikawa.

"SAY IT'S NOT SO! SAY IT'S NOT SO! I COULD JUST SHOOT MYSELF! " wails the waitress.

"You usually don't find one that dedicated." says Oikawa.

"It's her life." points out Arukenimon.

*

"GIANT SCORPIONS!" screams Arukenimon, running up to Oikawa. He justs sits and eats a sandwich.

Arukenimon tries again. "THE WOLFMAN IS HEADED THIS WAY!" Still he ignores her.

"KING KONG HAS A HEAD COLD AND WANTS TO BORROW YOUR HANDKERCHIEF!"

Finally, he turns to face her. "I'm not moving until I finish this sandwich."

*

Oikawa is eating a plate of scrambled eggs, when Arukenimon pours ketchup all over them. "Ketchup on your eggs, sir?"

"YEE-UK! ARUKENIMON!" Oikawa storms off.

"Gee, I must be the only one who likes them this way." remarks Arukenimon, as she eats the eggs.

*

Arukenimon drinks a cup of coffee. "The coffee's too hot, Arukenimon." says Oikawa.

Steam is pouring out of Arukenimon's ears. "Thanks for telling me."

*

"Ah, winter." sighs Oikawa. "The snowflakes gently falling...the hills blanketed in white...the spider woman's face frozen in the birdbath."

"Just get the ice pick." snaps Arukenimon.

*

Arukenimon walks up to a sign which says BEWARE OF THE LITTLE DOGS.

"Yeah, right." she scoffs.

Next second, thousands of little dogs swarm over her.

*

A heavily shaking Arukenimon walks up to a coffee cup. As she drinks, her shakes disappear.

"It's time we talked about this coffee dependency of yours, Arukenimon." remarks Oikawa.

*

Arukenimon walks by a sign that says BEWARE OF FROG, next to which sits a small frog. She looks puzzled, but as she walks past, the frog sticks its tounge out, and trips her up.

*

Arukenimon is fast asleep, when Oikawa shakes her awake. "Up and at 'em, Arukenimon! There's a big, wide, wonderful world out there!"

"True." admits Arukenimon. "But there's a soft, small, warm bed in here."

*

Arukenimon is sitting at a table with a mug of coffee when Oikawa comes up behind her. "Good morning..."

A startled Arukenimon jerks her hand up, causing the mug to fly up in the air and spill coffee all over Oikawa.

"...Arukenimon." Oikawa finishes.

"Caffeine makes me nervous."

*

Arukenimon walks by a sign that says BEWARE OF THE ARTISTIC DOG.

"Yeah, right." she scoffs.

Next second, a dog in a tutu lands on her head.

*

Arukenimon is fast asleep. Oikawa is sitting next to her. Suddenly, she jumps up, hops on her toes and piroettes, all the while still asleep.

"Her ballerina dream." explains Oikawa.

*

Arukenimon drinks a cup of coffee. "Arukenimon, you'll never find happiness at the bottom of a coffee cup." remarks Oikawa.

"I beg to differ." says Arukenimon. She points into the cup. "Look, there's some right here in the corner."

"By golly, you're right."

*

"Have the last cookie Arukenimon." says Oikawa.

"I really couldn't. You take it." says Arukenimon.

"Ok." As he takes it, however, she snatches it from him.

"You twit! Don't you know insincere sincerity when you hear it?"

*

Mummymon is fast asleep. Arukenimon is standing over him.

"Mummymon should be making breakfast, but it's hard for him to wake up."

She smirks and holds up a water balloon. "Which is why God made water balloons."

*

"Now for a strong cup of coffee." says Arukenimon, drinking a cup of said coffee. She then heads to her room. "Now for a good night's sleep." She turns out the light, but lies awake. "Now for a brisk bount with insomnia."

*

Oikawa walks up. "Uh-oh, it look as though Mr Cliche is about to unburden himself of another stale platitude." remarks Arukenimon.

"He who fills his pockets with the misdeeds of misdeeds will surely sink in the river of good fortune." says Oikawa.

"That boy wasn't born, he was found in a fortune cookie." says Arukenimon.

*

Arukenimon stands before Oikawa's bed, holding a pot of glue. Oikawa has his finger up his nose.

"Yes, I glued Oikawa's finger up his nose." Arukenimon admits. "Yes, it's disgusting. Yes, I'll regret it." She walks to the end of the bed and leans against the bedpost. "but, for now, let's enjoy the moment." Oikawa wakes up and screams.

*

"How do you want your coffee, Arukenimon?" asks Mummymon.

"Make it sit up and bark." she answers.

"How's this?" Mummymon asks, placing a cup before her. As she takes the spoon out, the coffee is so thick, it sticks to the spoon.

"Just right."

**Well, that's Chapter 4! Enjoy!**


	5. Chapter 5

**Well, there's Chapter 5. And I'm introducing a new character: Datirimon as Nermal!**

Arukenimon is lying on the sofa when Oikawa enters, holding a certain unripe tomato.

"Hey, Arukenimon. Datirimon's come to visit for the week. I wish I could keep him."

"Baby digimon are like strings." says Arukenimon. "Every yo-yo wants one."

*

Datirimon and Arukenimon are sitting close together. Oikawa walks past.

"Awwwww! Isn't Datirimon cute?"

When he leaves, Arukenimon grabs Datirimon and holds him up to her face. "Look kid...Oikawa is MY human. This is MY territory. I'M the cute one around here. Got it?" She lets Datirimon go, and he runs off. "It's easier to charm your way through life if you have the muscle to back it up."

*

Arukenimon leans against the kitchen sideboard. "I hate Datirimon. I think I'll clean his clock."

As Datirimon walks by, she opens the lid of the waffle iron. "Hey, kid. How'd you like to play on this waffle iron?"

"Get lost." he answers.

"I guess I'll have to use more subtle means."

*

Arukenimon sees Datirimon sleeping on Porkchop, her stuffed pig.

"SLEEP ON MY PIGGY, WILL YOU?!" she thunders, then stops. "I wish I could do that."

*

"Arukenimon," says Oikawa "I get the impression you don't like Datirimon."

"Nonsense." says Arukenimon. "I love Datirimon." To prove her point, she starts to pat Datirimon, but she pats him so much he stats bouncing. "I JUST LOOOVE DATIRIMON!"

"Uh...uh, Arukenimon."

*

Datirimon walks to the door. "I guess I'll be leaving."

"Must you rush?" Arukenimon asks, her voice dripping with sarcasm.

"If you insist, I'll stay." says Datirimon, turning around.

Arukenimon grabs him and throws him out the door.

*

Oikawa and Arukenimon look at a spilt cup of coffee.

"Oh shucks, I just spilled the only cup of coffee we have in the house." says Oikawa. There is a second's pause, then both he and Arukenimon start licking it up.

*

"It's a beautiful morning!" says Oikawa cheerily.

Arukenimon lifts her head from under the blanket. "Wake me in the ugly afternoon."

*

Arukenimon runs to Oikawa in a panic. "Arukenimon, what's the matter?"

"OIKAWA! YOU GOTTA CLEAN OUT THE REFRIGERATOR!"

Oikawa touches her arm. "Whatever it is, it can't be that bad."

"The tuna is spawning in the tomato soup!"

*

Arukenimon sits staring at the wall.

"Watching the paint dry, Arukenimon?" asks Oikawa.

Arukenimon scoffs. "I hope he doesn't think that my life is so devoid of excitement that I am reduced to that. I'm waiting for it to peel."

*

Arukenimon is watching TV.

"Nothing is showing up on the computer radar, so I'll put a nice "Mr Sunshine" right here." says the weatherman. "But, satellite pictures show an approaching low-pressure area, so I'll put mean ol' "Mr Thunderstorm" and his lightning bolt right here. LOOK OUT, MR SUNSHINE! BOOM! KABOOM! BOOM!"

"Millions in state-of-the-art electronic equipment to gather data, and we get babytalk." sighs Arukenimon.

*

Oikawa is sitting at the breakfast table, when an unusually hyper Arukenimon zips up, jumping up and down rapidly.

"Can we take a 50-mile hike today, Oikawa?" she asks, jumping up and down on his back. "Huh? Can we? Can we? Or a swim. What if we swim to Tahiti?"

"You're drinking too much coffee, Arukenimon."

*

"Wake up, Arukenimon! The early bird gets the worm!"

"The late spider-woman would prefer coffee, pancakes and a side of bacon."

*

Arukenimon, Mummymon and Oikawa are sitting on the sofa.

"We're bored." sighs Oikawa.

"You said it." agrees Arukenimon.

"Hey, I have an idea!"

It turns out Oikawa's idea involves dressing up. In 3 minutes, he is wearing a pair of joke glasses (with nose and mustache attatched), a black-and-white checked hat, an orange and red polka-dot tie and burberry trousers; Mummymon is wearing a blue and purple kimono, a flowery hat, sunglasses and white sneakers; and Arukenimon is wearing a citrus lemon blouse, a black bead necklace with a cross hanging from it, a red tartan skirt, her hair in high pigtails, black Mary Janes, purple striped stockings and bright pink lipstick.

"Well, we're not bored anymore." says Oikawa.

Arukenimon glares at him. "You're right. We're bored AND stupid-looking."

*

Oikawa holds up a doughnut. "Ha-ha! The last doughnut, and it's all mine!"

Arukenimon doesn't answer, but walks away smiling. "Why are you smiling, Arukenimon?"

As she walks away, she holds up a bottle of talcum powder. "I already licked off the sugar."

"HEY! This tastes like baby powder!"

*

Oikawa picks up a cup. "Ahhh! Coffee."

Arukenimon runs up in a panic. "NO! NO! DON'T DRINK IT, OIKAWA!"

He drinks it. "ARRRRGH! IT'S TOO LATE!" Arukenimon screams.

Oikawa collapses in sleep. "THAT COFFEE WAS DECAFFEINATED, YOU FOOL!" Arukenimon exclaims.

**Well, there you go. Enjoy!**


	6. Chapter 6

**Sorry about the wait for updates. Here's Chapter 6!**

Arukenimon is in bed, the blankets pulled up over her head.

"I wonder what awful thing is going to happen to me today? Maybe the sky will fall. Maybe Mummymon will bring his long-lost twin brother home..."

She removes the blanket from her head to see Datirimon smiling at her.

"Or worse yet, maybe Datirimon will come for a visit."

*

"Can I get you anything for breakfast, Arukenimon?" Datirimon asks.

"Yeah, how about a big glass of freshly-squeezed Baby Digimon juice?"

Datirimon glares. "You don't like me, do you?"

*

Datirimon and Mummymon are at the table, eating, when Arukenimon walks up to them. She pushes both their heads into their plates.

"Call it cruel. Call it juvenile. I call it expressing myself."

*

"You don't like me, do you?" Datirimon asks Arukenimon.

"I like you." she answers.

"No, you don't."

"I'm crazy about you. I love you. Now why don't you go play in the blender?"

"SEE?"

*

"Why don't you like me?" Datirimon asks Arukenimon.

"You're young and cute."

"If I were old and ugly, would you like me?"

"Possibly." Arukenimon admits.

Datirimon pulls an ugly face and starts squealing "Where's my cane? Where's my cane?"

Oikawa walks up. "This must be one of the things Digimon do when they think there are no humans around."

*

Datirimon is eating off of Arukenimon's plate. She walks up to him and grabs him. "You've overstayed your welcome."

"UNK!" squeaks Datirimon.

She throws him out of the window, then settles down to eat her food. Oikawa walks up.

"Where's Datirimon?"

"You know...it was strange, he muttered "Unk", and then left without a word."

*

Arukenimon and Oikawa are at the diner. The waitress walks up. "Ready to order, hon?"

"What's your special today?" asks Oikawa.

"Chicken surprise."

"Great. We'll take two."

The waitress pulls on a chicken mask and cries "Surprise! Surprise!"

"You distract her. I'll call the hospital." Oikawa whispers to Arukenimon.

"Got it."

*

Mummymon pours Arukenimon a cup of coffee. "The coffee's strong today."

The coffee rises from the cup like a hand, and slaps Arukenimon. "Not only strong, but mean!"

*

Oikawa is sitting in a chair. Arukenimon is staring at him, annoying him. "Cut that out, Arukenimon."

She continues to stare at him.

"If you don't stop staring at me, I'm going to leave the room!" Oikawa snaps.

She continues to stare. Finally, he gets up and storms out. "THERE! HAPPY?!"

"Quite." answers Arukenimon. She has taken Oikawa's seat.

*

Arukenimon is watching TV.

"And now," says the announcer, "the Late, Late, Late Show presents..."Night of the Zombie Plumbers" in 3-D!"

A plunger comes through the TV and lands on Arukenimon's face. "I've been up too long."

*

Arukenimon storms out of the cabin. "That's it! I'm fed up with Oikawa! I'm fed up with Mummymon! I can't think of a single thing I like about this cabin!"

As she enters town, it starts to rain. She grabs a dustbin lid, and puts it on her head. "The roof. I'm rather fond of the roof."

*

Arukenimon and Oikawa are at the diner. "Any specials today?" Oikawa asks the waitress.

"I'll check." the waitress replies. She turns to the kitchen and yells, "Hey, Bubba! Anything in the trap this morning?"

"Check, please." says Arukenimon.

*

"What's the soup of the day?" Oikawa asks the waitress.

The waitress sniggers to herself. "Hoboy." She leans close to Oikawa. "Well now, what day IS today?"

"Tuesday."

"Well, then, that would make it TUESDAY'S soup, now wouldn't it?"

"Makes sense to me." admits Arukenimon.

*

"Here's your burger." says the waitress, dropping a plain burger in front of Oikawa.

"Um, don't I get a bun?"

"Oh! You want our DELUXE burger!"

"Go for it, Oikawa!" says Arukenimon. "Get the Super Deluxe and get a plate too."

*

Oikawa shakes Arukenimon, who is bundled up under the blankets of her bed. "Wake up, Arukenimon."

"I can't move." she moans. "My battery is dead."

Oikawa leaves, then returns with a steaming mug of coffee. Arukenimon sniffs it. "Hang on! I think I feel a jump start coming my way!"

*

Arukenimon and Oikawa are sitting before a table, the remains of a meal in front of them.

"What a great meal." sighs Oikawa. "Isn't it a shame there's no unit of measure for how good food tastes?"

"Ah, but there is." says Arukenimon. "It's called a calorie."

*

Oikawa places a box in front of Arukenimon. "Wait'll you see what I bought, Arukenimon."

He pulls a bright red fedora with lilac feathers and a green hatband from the box, and puts it on. "TAH-DAH!"

"It's amazing the things people would rather have than money." says Arukenimon.

*

Oikawa is eating cereal, when Arukenimon shakes the box so that all the cereal spills out in a pile. She picks up a small object that falls from the box. "My Captain Lamo laser powered, direction finder, decoder ring!"

Oikawa's head emerges from the pile of cereal. "I hate Digimon." he growls.

*

Oikawa is sleeping, when he suddenly lets out a shriek of pain. Turning on the light, he sees Arukenimon leaning over the bed, holding a pair of tweezers. "Your eyebrows needed thinning." she explains.

*

Arukenimon walks past Oikawa, who makes a face and holds his nose. "WHEW, ARUKENIMON! YOUR MORNING BREATH IS AWFUL!"

Arukenimon glares at him. "You're telling me?! My teeth melted."

*

Arukenimon and Oikawa are standing before a tablecloth-covered table. There is a very large lump in the tablecloth.

"Oikawa , there's a lump in the tablecloth. Flatten it out with this french bread." says Arukenimon, handing him a loaf of french bread.

Oikawa raises the bread above his head, then something occurs to him. "Wait a minute! Where's Mummymon?"

"Who's Mummymon?" Arukenimon asks innocently.

*

Arukenimon is reading a book. "This is a great book. 'Things to Do on a Rainy Day.'"

Oikawa walks up, his hair shaven off so there's nothing left but stubble. "Do you feel a draft in here?"

"Chapter One: Fun With the Electric Razor."

*

Arukenimon stands before the window. "I hate Monday, I hate morning, I hate January." There is a loud SLAM! "And I REALLY hate having the window slam down on your fingers."

*

Oikawa drinks a cup of coffee, while Arukenimon reads the back of the can.

"Gee," she remarks. "A new coffee with twice the caffeine." She pulls a small metal object from the tin. "It even come with a tiny crowbar. To pry your fingers off the cup."

"WHOAH!" cries Oikawa. His eyes have bugged out, his hair is standng on end and he is clutching the cup tightly.

*

Arukenimon is reading the newspaper. "Hmmmm, my horoscope says I'm going to be visited by an old acquaintance today."

A pie is thrown at her face with a loud SPLUT! "Uncanny."

*

Arukenimon and Oikawa are at the diner. "Mornin' hon. The usual?" asks the waitress with a sigh.

"You got it." Oikawa also sighs.

The waitress leaves, then returns. "Say, hon, what IS the usual?"

"I was hoping you'd know."

Arukenimon rolls her eyes. "These people are in desperate trouble."

*

Oikawa is fast asleep in his chair. Arukenimon and Mummymon are watching him.

"Look, Mummymon. Oikawa's sleeping." remarks Arukenimon.

"Yeah." agrees Mummymon.

"Maybe we should be quiet and let him rest."

"Yeah."

Arukenimon gets an evil smile, and holds up an electric razor. "Or we can shave his head."

Mummymon smiles evily. "YEAH!"

*

Arukenimon is happily munching on watermelon. Oikawa turns to her.

"Don't you think you've had enough watermelon, Arukenimon?"

"Why, no." says Arukenimon. She spits a watermelon seed onto a pile of seeds. "Why do you ask?"

*

"In the morning, there's nothing I enjoy better than a good cup of coffee." remarks Arukenimon. She sips her coffee, then makes a disgusted face and pours it over Oikawa, who is seated next to her. "As I was saying..."

**Well, there you go! Enjoy!**


	7. Chapter 7

**Well, here's Chapter 7 up and running!**

Arukenimon is sitting at a table with a mug of coffee containg a spoon, when the coffee sucks up the spoon. "Now THAT'S good coffee!"

*

Arukenimon is sitting in a chair, bored stiff. "There's nothing worse than being bored."

Oikawa appears, wearing a checkered suit, a polka-dot bow tie and a wastepaper basket on his head. "Hey there, Miss Droopy Face! Let me entertain you!"

He starts doing a stupid dance and saying "Hotcha! Hotcha!"

"I take that back." mutters Arukenimon.

*

Arukenimon and Oikawa are at the diner.

"Excuse me," Oikawa says to the waitress. "There's a hair in my soup." He hold up said hair.

The waitress frowns at him. "How do you know it's not one of yours?" she demands.

He pulls the hair from the soup, revealing that it is still attached to a roller. "I use smaller rollers."

*

"I think I'll write a book!" exclaims Arukenimon. "A book about a beautiful, debonair spider who saved the world from alien invaders, ended war and solved world hunger."

She thinks for a moment, then shakes her head. "Nah. There are too many autobiographies out there."

*

Arukenimon is sitting at the table. "We writers have an uncanny ability to observe ourselves from an omniscient point of view." she remarks.

Mummymon walks up to her. "Hi, Arukeni."

Arukenimon narrates to herself. "As the beautiful spider gazed upon the folly of life about her, she tossed her head back in laughter." She laughs so hard, she falls backwards. "And then she fell right off her chair."

*

Arukenimon walks past the door. "I must suffer in order to write a great novel."

At that moment, Oikawa opens the door, hitting her in the face with it. She slides to the ground woozily. "Thank you, Oikawa. I'll remember you in my acceptance speech for the Nobel Prize for Literature."

*

Oikawa places a plant in the sink. "Have some water, little fella." he says, turning on the tap. Once the sink is nearly full, he turns it off. "Now I'll let you drain for a bit."

After he walks off, Arukenimon walks by the sink, and is shocked to see the plant. "I knew this would happen if Oikawa didn't clean the garbage disposal."

*

Arukenimon is watching Tv.

"Welcome to Whistling for Dollars, the world's most stupid and annoying game show!" announces the host.

"Looks like the "Truth in Advertising" people struck again." remarks Arukenimon.

*

"A famous philosopher once said 'I think, therefore I am.'" says Arukenimon.

Mummymon walks past, humming to himself. "Poor Mummymon." sighs Arukenimon. "He isn't even aware that he doesn't exist."

*

"Arukenimon, you've been drinking too much coffee lately." says Mummymon.

Arukenimon scoffs. "There's no such thing as too much coffee." scoffs Arukenimon.

"I'm worried about you."

"Ok, ok! I'll cut down!" Arukenimon says irritably. "Just give me half a cup." She holds up a very big coffee cup.

*

Arukenimon tiptoes up to the sofa, where Mummymon is fast asleep. "Mummymon's asleep, and nobody's watching." she murmurs, glancing around.

She leans over the back of the sofa, and kisses him on the cheek. "I keep my affection in the closet."

*

Arukenimon is fishing, when her line moves "Oh-oh. I got a bite!"

She starts pulling it in, but when she succeeds, all that's left is the skeleton. "Darn, jerked too hard again."

*

Arukenimon and Oikawa are at the window.

"Look at that beautiful sunset, Arukenimon." Oikawa sighs. "It nice having you to share it with."

Arukenimon rubs her eye. "You have something in your eye?" asks Oikawa.

"Yes, a little speck of sentiment."

*

Arukenimon stands at the window, glaring out at the rain. "I hate rain. I'm so depressed." She sighs. "Happiness is a fair weather friend."

*

Arukenimon walks up to Oikawa, who is staring into space. "What's with you?" she asks.

"Someone switched my eyedrops with the airplane glue." he answers.

Arukenimon gasps. "That's terrible! No wonder my model airplane wouldn't stick together."

*

Arukenimon and Oikawa are in town.

"My, what a nice looking tie." Oikawa says to a guy wearing a hideous purple polka-dot tie.

The guy grabs him by the collar. "What are you, some kind of weirdo or something?"

When he leaves, Oikawa turns to Arukenimon. "Some people aren't very nice, are they Arukenimon?"

"Welcome to the real world, Oikawa."

*

Arukenimon and Oikawa are at the diner. Oikawa is holding a cup.

"Is this tea or coffee?" he asks the waitress.

"What does it taste like?" she asks.

"It tastes like turpentine."

"Oh, that's our coffee. Our tea tastes like transmission fluid."

*

Arukenimon is fast asleep, when a storm cloud appears above her bed. There is a flash of lightning and a rumble of thunder, and the cloud starts raining on her.

"I hate Mondays." she sighs.

*

Arukenimon is lying on her back, staring at the ceiling. "It's fun to lie here and muse on the meaning of life. And to ponder the myrid of solutions to the world's woes. And to count the cracks in the ceiling."

*

Arukenimon walks to the door. "The newspaper should be here now."

When she opens the door, the paper hits her in the head. "Sometimes you get the paper, sometimes the paper gets you."

*

Arukenimon is looking out of the window. "Life is like a ferrai...it goes too fast." she sighs. "But that's ok. Because you can't afford it anyway."

*

Oikawa is at the table eating breakfast when Arukenimon walks up rather fast. "You're up early." he remarks.

"I didn't get up early." says Arukenimon. She stops and rubs her leg. "My leg cramp did!"

*

Oikawa stands at the sink, blinking sleepily. "Where's my toothbrush?" he murmurs. Arukenimon hands him the toilet brush.

"Thank you." he grunts, too sleepy to notice what it really is. He squirts toothpaste on the brush and starts brushing his teeth.

"These are the memories that last a lifetime." Arukenimon sniggers to herself.

*

"Sorry, Arukenimon, but we're out of coffee this morning." says Mummymon.

Arukenimon is sucking on what looks like a white piece of paper. "I noticed."

"I guess we'll just have to go without." he sighs.

She glares at him. "That's what YOU think."

"What are you doing?"

"Sucking on a used coffee filter."

*

Arukenimon is sitting in a field. "It's Monday. Nothing good ever happens to me on a Monday. So I'm going to spend the whole day in the middle of this big field, where I won't get hurt."

Next second, a piano falls from the sky and lands on her.

*

Arukenimon lies in bed, holding Porkchop, her stuffed pig.

"Porkchop makes me feel safer at night." she remarks. "That's because he's so soft. He also has a black belt in karate." She holds him up, revealing that he is indeed wearing a black belt.

*

Arukenimon is looking out of the window. "I hate partly cloudy days. When it's sunny, I'm happy. When it's cloudy, I'm sad. On a partly cloudly day, I can use up a week's worth of moods."


	8. Chapter 8

**Here's Chapter 8!**

"Good morning, Arukenimon." says Mummymon. "I fixed you eggs, bacon, cinnamon rolls and hot coffee."

"Let me at 'em!" exclaims Arukenimon, throwing off her bedclothes. As she is about to step out of bed, however, she realises something and jumps back under the covers. "Nice try, Mummymon. You almost got me up on a Monday that time."

*

Arukenimon is looking out of the window.

"I'd like to be able to stop each of those cars and ask the people where they're going. If they didn't have a good excuse, I'd send them home."

She considers something. "Of course, some of them may not have a home...how sad. 'Car people'."

*

Oikawa hands Arukenimon a letter. "This is for you."

"Mail?! For me?!" she gasps. "Wow! I'm important! I'm somebody!"

Then she realises something. "Hey, wait a minute! This is addressed to 'Occupant'!"

Oikawa smirks. "Are you ready for lunch, 'Occupant'?"

"That's MISS Occupant to you."

*

Oikawa is sitting at the table when Porkchop, Arukenimon's toy pig, zips past on roller skates.

"Very funny, Arukenimon! You can't make me think your pig can skate!" he calls.

At that moment, she walks up to him...in the opposite direction from Porkchop. "Say again?"

Oikawa goes bug-eyed.

*

Arukenimon and Oikawa are outside, looking at the night sky.

"Seeing a magnificent universe such as this makes me feel like an insignificant speck." sighs Oikawa. "How about you, Arukenimon?"

"You're right. I think you're an insignificant speck too."

*

Arukenimon and Oikawa are sitting at the table, both with coffee cups before them.

"Would you like another cup of coffee, Arukenimon?"

"Don't mind if I do."

She then takes Oikawa's cup.

*

Arukenimon eats a banana. "A banana has 2 uses. Food, and entertainment."

She throws the skin onto the ground, where Oikawa slips on it.

*

Arukenimon looks at her alarm clock. "It's just about time..."

SPLUT! A pie slams into her face.

"Yup, there's the 8:25 pie right on schedule."

*

Oikawa is about to bite into a hamburger, when he spots a pair of false eyes on the bun. "Ok, who put eyeballs on my hamburger?"

Arukenimon walks up, smiling cheekily and holding Porkchop, her toy pig, who is missing his eyes.

*

Arukenimon yawns. "Boy, am I bored."

Mummymon walks up. "Good morning, Arukenimon. It's a day just like any other day. Isn't it great?"

"Some people confuse boredom with security." sighs Arukenimon.

*

"Quiet day today." sighs Oikawa.

"Did I mention I rolled Mummymon up in a blanket and stuffed him onto the top shelf of the hall closet?" asks Arukenimon.

"Very quiet."

"Quiet indeed..."

*

"Digimon are mysterious creatures." remarks Oikawa.

Arukenimon wheels past him on a unicycle, while wearing a rubber glove on her head, flapping her right arm like a chicken, and holding a pennant that says "I Love Huckabees" in her left hand.

"And scary." Oikawa adds.

*

Oikawa holds an empty coffee tin. "I just bought coffee yesterday, and now we're out. Do you know what happened to it, Arukenimon?"

Arukenimon is standing bolt upright, black circles under her eyes. "Not offhand, but if you like, I could stay awake for the next three nights to give it more thought."

*

Arukenimon stomps up to Mummymon, who is eating breakfast, and slams his face into his plate. She then rolls up a newspaper, and whacks Oikawa in the arm with it.

"What was THAT for?!" Oikawa demands.

"I'm training you guys to hate Mondays too." she answers.

*

"Did I ever tell you I'm 29, Arukenimon?" asks Oikawa.

At the same time, he and Arukenimon say "I would have been 30 but I was sick a year."

"MY KINGDOM FOR A NEW PUNCHLINE!" cries Arukenimon.

*

"Let's go for a walk, Arukenimon." says Oikawa. "It's going to be a beautiful day for a stroll."

As they step out of the cabin, however, it starts raining.

"Oikawa should have been a meteorologist." Arukenimon deadpans.

*

Arukenimon is watching TV.

"The weather today will be partly cloudy with a chance of rain." the weatherman announces.

Oikawa walks up. "If you need me, I'll be out front rotating the tyre on my unicycle."

"And the human will be partly dippy with a chance of stupid." says Arukenimon.

*

Arukenimon tries to squirt syrup on a pile of pancakes, but nothing comes out.

"Rats. What happened to the maple syrup?" She then remembers something. "Now I remember. The syrup bottle sprang a leak, so I poured it in Oikawa's hair tonic bottle."

Oikawa storms up, arms folded, hair sticking upright and an angry expression on his face.

*

"I have the last of the ice-cream, Arukenimon." says Oikawa.

"Fine."

"I'm going to eat it and you're not."

"Enjoy." she says sweetly, as Oikawa places a spoonful in his mouth and makes a disgusted face. "I replaced it with lard."

*

Arukenimon is brushing her teeth when Oikawa spots her. "ARUKENIMON! YOU'RE USING MY TOOTHBRUSH!"

"Stick around. You can watch me floss."

"IS NOTHING SACRED?!" he shrieks.

She ignores him and roots around in the cupboard. "Where's that mouthwash?"


	9. Chapter 9

**Here's Chapter 9! And we have a guest star from the Simpsons!**

Oikawa hands Arukenimon a cup. "Coffee?"

Arukenimon sips it. "Your guess is as good as mine."

*

Arukenimon is fast asleep, when a newspaper crashes through the window and hits her in the head.

"The Monday paper."

*

Arukenimon is watching TV.

"Welcome to 'Truth Is Stranger Than Fiction Theatre.'" says the announcer. "The story you are about to see is totally true. Except, of course, for the bits we made up to make it more interesting."

"I love television." says Arukenimon.

*

Arukenimon is sitting at a table. Mummymon walks up.

"Arukeni, there was a pan of cannelloni here. Where's the cannelloni?"

"Resting comfortably." says Arukenimon.

"Where's the pan?"

"Resting not so comfortably." she says, holding her stomach.

*

Oikawa is reading the paper. Arukenimon leans over the back of his chair, holding a pair of scissors. "May I have a lock of your hair?"

Without waiting for an answer, she snips a large piece of his hair off, leaving him with a large bald patch. "I'll keep it as a reminder of how stupid you look right now."

*

Arukenimon holds a cup. "One more sip of coffee would probably be a mistake."

She sips from the cup, and her eyes bug out. "I know my caffeine."

*

Arukenimon is slumped half-asleep at the table.

Oikawa walks up, yawning. "Good morning, Arukenimon."

He slumps, face on the table, and falls asleep.

"I hate early morning pep-talks." Arukenimon sighs.

*

Arukenimon is holding Porkchop, her stuffed pig.

Oikawa walks up. "Wanna go jogging?"

"I'm busy."

Oikawa is annoyed. "Honestly, Arukenimon. I have the feeling you think more of that pig than you do of me!" He storms off.

"Pay no attention to ol' What's-His-Name, Porkchop."

*

"I'm home!" announces Arukenimon.

"Hi, Arukeni." Mummymon answers from the sofa.

She ignores him, and walks up to the mirror. "You're so nice to come home to."

*

"What a beautiful day." sighs Oikawa."A day that says 'Come out and enjoy me.'"

"I prefer a day that says 'Stay inside, relax, watch some TV, grab a nap." says Arukenimon.

*

Arukenimon and Oikawa are at the diner.

"Sorry, guys." says the waitress."I just ran out of coffee."

"What?!" splutters Oikawa.

"Wait! You're in luck. I just remembered." says the waitress brightly. She wrings out her dish cloth into Oikawa's cup. "The last guy in here spilled his."

Arukenimon looks disgusted. "I think I'm going to be sick."

*

Arukenimon lounges on the sofa. "I gotta start getting more out of life. I gotta smell the roses along the way."

Mummymon walks up. "Hey, Arukeni, is there anything I can do for you?"

"Bring me a rose."

*

Arukenimon is eating a sandwich. She walks past Mummmymon, and gives him a good hard kick. "Business lunch."

*

"Arukenimon, why don't you catch flies like other spiders?" asks Oikawa.

Arukenimon gives him a dangerous look.

"Sorry." he murmurs.

"I always like to give him a second to retract his stupid statements before I hurt him." says Arukenimon.

*

Oikawa is looking in the boot of the car.

"Let's see...we have everything we need for the beach except a beach ball. HEY, ARUKENIMON! BRING SOMETHING WE CAN KICK AROUND IN THE SURF!"

As he closes the boot, Arukenimon walks up, dragging Mummymon behind her.

Oikawa claps a hand over his face. "Without even looking around, I know I should have rephrased that."

*

"Be careful, Arukenimon." says Oikawa. "That coffee is hot."

"Thanks for the warning." mutters Arukenimon, looking at the flaming cup.

*

"Wouldn't it be great if everything could talk?" says Oikawa. "I'd get out of bed and the wall would say, 'Good morning, Oikawa.' And the sink would say, 'Good morning, Oikawa.'"

"It wouldn't be so hot." says Arukenimon. "Every time a lightbulb burned out, it would be like a death in the family."

*

Arukenimon is sitting at a table.

Oikawa walks up. "Arukenimon, have you seen my shoes?"

"Many times." says Arukenimon. "And by the way, have you seen my new flowerpots?"

We see that she has put plants in his shoes.

*

"Go get the paper, Arukenimon." says Oikawa.

"Work, work, work! That's all I do around here!" complains Arukenimon.

She opens the door, then something occurs to her. "I wonder what would happen if I just kept on walking?"

Sure enough, she continues to walk. "I guess I'm going to find out."

*

"Mummymon, it's been ten minutes since I sent Arukenimon after the paper." says Oikawa. "Go find her."

"Ok, boss!" says Mummymon, skippng off.

A few seconds later, Oikawa frowns. "Why do I feel like I just sent the lamb after the lion?"

*

Oikawa is lying on the sofa. "Gee, I sure miss the Digimon."

He sits bolt upright. "WHAT'S THAT?!" Then he realises. "Oh yeah, that's quiet."

*

Arukenimon walks through town.

"Well, here I am out on my own. I feel so... so... so out-on-my-ownish."

*

Mummymon is getting hungry. He spots a nearby dumpster, and pokes his head in. He then tips up the dumpster, tipping out all the rubbish... and starts eating the dumpster.

*

Oikawa sits in front of the Tv. "I don't know why I should be so upset about Arukenimon and Mummymon leaving. It's not like they're family or anything."

Suddenly, the TV announcer says "It's 10 o'clock. Do you know where your children are?"

"WAAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" Oikawa starts bawling his eyes out.

*

Arukenimon walks through town. "It's getting hungry out here. I hate to admit it, but I'd better find work. But what can I do?"

Just then, she spots a poster, and a broad smile appears on her face. "BINGO! Show business, here I come!"

We see that she is looking at a poster telling people to join the circus.

*

Arukenimon walks up to a circus tent, where they are taking job requests. "I'm going to join the circus! I think I'll be a trapeze artist, or a lion tamer..."

She walks into the tent, then comes out wearing a red-and-black tutu jester's outfit (A\N:Think Harley Quinn from Batman, but with no sleeves and a tutu over her costume), clown make-up, and a glare. "Or a clown."

*

Arukenimon stands in front of a very familiar clown.

"Listen up, lady." snaps the clown. "I'm Krusty the Klown. I'm the head clown around here, and don't you forget it!"

"It's a little hard to ignore." mutters Arukenimon.

"And respect. I demand respect." continues Krusty. "When I honk my nose, people snap to attention."

"He's a full bore looney." Arukenimon mutters.

*

Krusty hands Arukenimon a paddle-shaped object.

"This is a slapstick." he explains. "It makes a loud noise, but it doesn't really hurt."

He turns around and bends over. "Go on. Hit me with it as hard as you can."

"With pleasure." smirks Arukenimon.

WHAP! Seconds later, there is a Krusty-shaped hole in the tent wall.

"It's all in the wrist." says Arukenimon.

*

It is showtime at the circus. Arukenimon and Krusty are in the ring.

"LADIEEES AND GENTLEMEN!" calls Krusty. "MY ASSISTANT...ARACHNE THE CLOWN!"

"Arachne?" Arukenimon repeats to herself.

"ARACHNE WILL NOW TAKE A PIE IN THE FACE!"

SPLUT! A pie hits Arukenimon in the face.

"FROM MY OTHER ASSISTANT, DINGBAT THE CLOWN!"

A clown dressed as a pirate with an eyepatch walks up.

Arukenimon frowns, noticing the pirate's grey skin and jagged teeth. "He looks vaguely familiar."

*

Arukenimon walks out of the tent, removing her jester's hat and wiping the make-up off her face. The clown dubbed "Dingbat" follows her.

"This life isn't for me. Are you coming with me, clown?"

"Sure." "Dingbat" removes his hat and eyepatch to reveal...

"MUMMYMON!" Arukenimon cries, embracing him. She looks back at him, smiling. "Hey, we ran away from home to run away from the circus!"

*

Arukenimon and Mummymon are walking through town, when an old woman pokes her head out of a shop door.

"You two look like you could use a good meal." she says.

"We're starved!" Arukenimon agrees. Mummymon nods.

"Well come in. Eat! Eat!" says the woman.

Arukenimon turns to her partner as they enter the shop. "There you go, Mummymon. There ARE some good-hearted people in this old world."

What she doesn't notice is a large sign on the window, which reads "Digimon Adoption Agency."

*

Arukenimon and Mummymon walk into a room of the Digimon Adoption Agency.

"Hi, gang." Arukenimon greets the assorted Digimon. "What is this? Some kind of party?"

A sad-looking Puppetmon lifts its head. "No, it's some kind of Digimon Adoption Agency. You were lured here with food. Now you're trapped. There's nothing to do here, except eat and sleep."

"Sounds like a little slice of heaven to me." says Arukenimon.

"You have a very brave friend here." the Puppetmon remarks to Mummymon.

*

"This Adoption Agency life isn't so bad." says Arukenimon. "It's kind of like camp."

"Oh, it has its drawbacks, believe me." says the Puppetmon.

"Name one."

"You bunk with the FlareLizamon."

Arukenimon nods, seeing the FlareLizamon burn a chair by sitting on it. "I'm getting the drift."

*

Oikawa walks into the Digimon Adoption Agency, and sees 2 familiar digimon. "ARUKENIMON! MUMMYMON!"

"OIKAWA!"

"BOSS!"

The owner walks up. "It costs 3500 yen to adopt both those two."

Oikawa thinks for a moment. "I'll give you 3000."

"You're going to regret that one, Oikawa!" snaps Arukenimon.

*

Oikawa leads Arukenimon and Mummymon out of the Digimon Adoption Agency.

"What a surprise to find you guys in an Adoption Agency!" remarks Oikawa. "I would have never thought to look there."

"Then what were you..." begins Arukenimon. She stops as something occurs to her. "Forget it. I'd rather not know."

*

Arukenimon walks happily into the cabin.

"HOME! It's great to be home! Home is truly where the heart is!"

She smiles at a large crack in the wall. "I even love the little imperfections that give it personality. This little squeaky place in the floor. The dripping taps, the peeling wallpaper. The cracking paint,leaking roof...termites...dry rot." She peters out and glowers around her. "This place is a dump!"


	10. Chapter 10

**Well, here's Chapter 10!**

Oikawa hands Arukenimon a small cup. "Here, Arukenimon, try this coffee. It's esspresso."

"Why the dinky cup?" wonders Arukenimon, but she drinks it anyway.

"Well, what do you think?" asks Oikawa.

"I'll let you know as soon as my back teeth stop wiggling."

*

Arukenimon sits up in bed and yawns, before noticing that she is surrounded by thousands of ugly, hideous monsters. She dives back under the bedclothes.

"Mondays are losing their subtlety."

*

Arukenimon rips Monday's page off the calender, only to realise, to her horror, that the page underneath also says Monday.

"OH NO! IT'S THE MONDAY THAT WOULDN'T DIE!"

*

Oikawa checks the calender, along with a worried Arukenimon.

"You're right, Arukenimon. Every day this week is Monday."

Noticing her worried face, he smiles reassuringly. "I'm sure it's just a misprint. It doesn't mean anything."

Arukenimon looks reassured, then the heavy calender falls from the wall and lands on her foot.

"Then again..." murmurs Oikawa.

*

Arukenimon is in bed, with the covers pulled over her entire body so that only her eyes can be seen. "I'd better check to see if it's still Monday out there."

She holds Porkchop, her stuffed pig, out of the covers. There is a SPLUT! as a pie slams into his face.

"Yup."

*

Arukenimon is in bed, with the covers pulled over her entire body.

"Imagine having to suffer an entire week of Mondays. Well, they're not gonna get me! I'm spending the rest of the week in bed. You've gotta get up pretty early in the morning to put one over on old Arukenimon."

We see that her bed is balanced on the topmost branch of a very tall tree.

*

Arukenimon is sitting in bed. Mummymon walks past.

"It must be wonderful to be that stupid." Arukenimon sighs. "For Mummymon, every day is Saturday."

*

Oikawa is sitting in a chair, reading a book. Arukenimon walks up.

"Fascinating. Y'know, Arukenimon, people should read more books."

After he gets up and leaves the room, Arukenimon picks up the book and opens it, revealing it to be a pop-up book featuring dinosaurs. "I thought so."

*

Arukenimon and Oikawa are sitting at the table.

"Another cup, please." says Arukenimon, holding up her coffee up.

"Don't you think you've had enough?" asks Oikawa.

Arukenimon sticks out her hand, which shakes slightly. "Not yet."

*

Oikawa walks into the living room, holding a picture frame. "Look, Arukenimon. I've had my potrait done!"

Arukenimon looks at the potrait, which is of Oikawa wearing a smoking jacket and holding a pipe. "I'll get the darts."

*

Arukenimon walks up to Oikawa. "Hey, Arukenimon. What's new?"

"I'm teaching Mummymon to fly."

There is the sound of a loud THUD! from outside.

"Homework."

*

Arukenimon and Oikawa are at the diner.

"What do you recommend today?" Oikawa asks the waitress.

"The hamburger flambe, the french fries flambe, the chili soup flambe and the peach pie flambe."

"What's with all the flambes?"

"The kitchen is on fire."

*

"Excuse me, I ordered pie a la mode." Oikawa says to the waitress. "Where's the scoop of ice-cream?"

"It was there a minute ago." says the waitress.

As she starts to walk off, she slips on something. "I got it!"

"I'll have the pie plain, thank you."

*

"I bought some 'gourmet coffee', Arukenimon." says Mummymon. "What do you think?"

Arukenimon takes a sips, then spits it over his face.

"Ok, I'm gonna go way out on a limb here..."

*

Arukenimon drops a china cup.

"OH NO!" cries Oikawa. "MY BEST CHINA!"

"Look on the bright side, Oikawa." says Arukenimon. "Your 64-piece set is now a 3,000-piece set."

*

"Arukenimon, you act like you own this cabin." says Oikawa.

"I do." She hands him a piece of paper.

"What's this?"

"A deed."

He reads it, then frowns. "This is a forgery!"

"I'll see you in court."

*

Arukenimon dunks a donut into a cup of coffee, only for the donut to disintergrate. "The coffee took my donut."

Oikawa walks up. "Coffee strong enough for you?"

"Yes, but the donuts are too weak."

*

"It's time to clean the fridge, Arukenimon." says Oikawa.

"I'll call the S.W.A.T team."

Oikawa opens the fridge and frowns. "Grim."

He pulls out a jar. "I haven't seen these olives in years."

"And it's only halfway back." Arukenimon deadpans.

*

Arukenimon is in bed, when there is a loud ringing noise. She smashes whatever is making the noise with her fist. "I hate alarm clocks."

We see that she has in fact smashed the telephone.

*

Arukenimon holds a donut. "What filling might you be? Jam? Cream?"

She bites into it, only to get a disgusted expression on her face. She storms over to Oikawa, who is trying not to snigger, and grabs him by the collar. "You wouldn't, perchance, know anything about spinach-filled donuts, would you?"


	11. Chapter 11

**Here's Chapter 11!**

Arukenimon is sitting at the table with a mug of coffee in front of her.

"I wonder if this coffee is any good?" she says, holding up a spoon. "I'll give it the dunk test."

She dunks the spoon into the cup and pulls it out again to find that it has bent in two. "It's goooooood."

Arukenimon and Oikawa are at the diner.

"Excuse me." Oikawa says to the waitress. "This potato is bad."

The waitress picks up the potato and spanks it. "BAD POTATO! BAD POTATO!"

She hands it back to Oikawa. "Let me know if it gives you any more trouble, sir."

"There goes her tip." mutters Arukenimon.

"Arukenimon, I think you're too mean to Mummymon." says Oikawa. "I never want to see you hit him again."

"Oh very well." sighs Arukenimon. She covers Oikawa's eyes and KONKS Mummymon on the head.

Arukenimon holds a hula hoop in front of Porkchop, her stuffed pig. "Jump through the hoop, Porkchop."

Oikawa walks up. "Hey, Arukenimon. What's happening?"

"I'm pretending to teach Porkchop tricks."

Oikawa leaves, and Arukenimon turns her attention back to Porkchop...only to find him on the other side of the hoop, flat on his face. She goes bug-eyed.

Arukenimon is sitting at the table with a mug of coffee in front of her, when to her surprise, the coffee gets out of the cup and walks off.

Mummymon walks up with the coffee pot. "Need a refill?"

"No thanks. Mine should be back soon."

Oikawa is fast asleep. He slowly wakes up and glares. "Don't you dare."

Arukenimon is standing over him, holding a trumpet. "I don't know what you're talking about."

"Rise and shine, Arukenimon!" says Oikawa. "It's a bright new day! It's gonna be a great day, a wonderful day."

In response, Arukenimon pinches his mouth shut.

"I think I overcheerfuled it." Oikawa manages to mutter.

Arukenimon and Mummymon are staring at the ceiling. Oikawa walks up and starts staring at the ceiling too. Arukenimon and Mummymon look over at him and burst out laughing.

"I hate when they do that." groans Oikawa.

"Go fetch the paper, Arukenimon." says Oikawa.

Arukenimon holds her hands in front of his face. "Look closer, Oikawa. These are Digimon hands, not slave hands."

She puts her face close to his. "I'll ignore your small indiscretion this time, and spare your life."

"Thank you...ma'am."

Arukenimon is stirring her coffee when Oikawa walks up to her.

"Y'know, there are times when I honestly feel you don't respect me." he says.

In response, Arukenimon breathes on the spoon and hangs it on the end of his nose.

"Take now, for instance."

Oikawa walks up to Arukenimon, who is lying on the sofa. "Would you like to go camping, Arukenimon?"

"WHAT?" she shrieks. "AND GET WET WHEN IT RAINS, FREEZE AT NIGHT AND GET THORNS IN MY HANDS?"

"We'll have pan-baked cannelloni."

Arukenimon gets up and starts dragging the sofa to the door. "I'm packed. Let's go."

Oikawa is standing in front of the car. "Everything's packed for the camping trip, Arukenimon. Did I forget anything."

Arukenimon walks over, holding the tv.

"Anything else?" Oikawa deadpans.

"Yes, about 250 miles of extension cord."

Arukenimon is bouncing up and down in her seat.

"Bored, Arukenimon?" asks Oikawa.

"You'll find out how bored I am if I don't get to a restroom soon."

Arukenimon and Oikawa have arrived at the campsite.

"Let us bask in the sun and sleep with nature's creatures, Arukenimon." sighs Oikawa.

"Translation: let's bake our brains out and lie on the ground with bugs and snakes, Arukenimon." mutters Arukenimon.

Arukenimon and Oikawa are in the tent.

"Welcome to our first night of camping, Arukenimon." says Oikawa. "Enjoy."

Suddenly, there is a loud ROAR.

Arukenimon leaves the tent. "You enjoy. I'll be waiting in the car."

Arukenimon and Oikawa are at the diner.

"This coffee is great!" Oikawa says to the waitress.

"Thanks, hon. I ground the beans myself." She clomps away.

"Why is she wearing golf shoes?" asks Oikawa.

"I'd rather not know." says Arukenimon, pushing her cup away.

Arukenimon sighs. "I'm hungry...no, I'm too tired to be hungry...no, I'm too depressed to be tired."

She glances over at the calender. "Yep. It's Monday."

Arukenimon makes a snowball, then hides behind a tree. As Mummymon walks past, she throws it... and misses completely.

"AARRGGHHH! I DON'T BELIEVE IT!" she curses.

Suddenly, Mummymon walks up and hands her the snowball. She looks puzzled for a second, then throws it at him.

Mummymon smiles happily. "I like any attention as long as it's attention."


	12. Chapter 12

**Here's Chapter 12!**

Arukenimon and Oikawa are sitting at the table.

"I have had two lousy days in a row!" complains Oikawa. "Today has GOT to be a good day."

He takes a sip of coffee. "The law of averages is on my side."

Arukenimon looks in his cup. "There's a fly in your coffee."

Arukenimon shakes some salt onto her breakfast. "Just what is a Monday?"

The top falls off the salt shaker, and her breakfast is covered with salt.

"Monday is a day designed to add depression to an otherwise happy week."

Arukenimon is about to get out of bed, when she notices something wrong. "Porkchop? Where are you?"

She hunts all over her room, but finds nothing. "OH NO! MY PIGGY IS MISSING!"

She storms out of the room. "This has all the makings of a classical mystery." she announces to no-one in particular. "I already have some prime suspects. It's easy when you live with a rouge's gallery."

She points over at a puzzled-looking Mummymon and Oikawa.

Arukenimon spots a paper bag on the counter.

"Hello, what's this?" she says to herself. "Just as my piggy disappears, this sack appears. Something is fishy here."

She reaches into the sack, and pulls out a dead fish.

Arukenimon suspects Mummymon of "kidnapping" Porkchop. She prepares to question him.

"Ok, Bandage Brain, where were you on the night of May 31?"

Mummymon thinks for a moment. "Um, let's see, I think I know this one. Er..."

Arukenimon sweatdrops. "What am I doing? Mummymon doesn't even know where he is now."

Oikawa walks up, holding Porkchop. Arukenimon sees him. "AHA! Oikawa! It was YOU who kidnapped Porkchop!"

She smirks slightly. "Obviously, sensing I was hot on your trail, and fearing my wrath, you've decided to return Porkchop, and throw yourself at the mercy of the court."

Oikawa ignores her, and holds out Porkchop. "I had your pig cleaned, Arukenimon."

Arukenimon looks rather embaressed. "Um, thanks."

Mummymon hands Arukenimon a boiling (literally) cup of coffee. "Here's your coffee."

Arukenimon stares at the cup for a few seconds, before Mummymon walks back up. "Careful, it's hot."

"Thank you, Dr Science." says Arukenimon sarcastically.

Arukenimon lies in bed, the covers pulled over her. "I'm not leaving bed today. I'm not moving a muscle. If I don't bother Monday, maybe Monday won't bother me."

A certain unripe tomato hops into her room. "Hi, Arukenimon. I'm Datirimon, the world's cutest Baby Digimon, here to visit for the whole week."

"Well, maybe I WILL do just a teensy bit of sobbing." Arukenimon mutters.

Datirimon hands Oikawa a flower.

"How cute." Oikawa chuckles. "Thank you, Datirimon."

Arukenimon walks up holding a huge bunch of flowers, which she drops on top of Datirimon.

"Uh...thanks." says Oikawa.

"You'd better appreciate it, sucker." replies Arukenimon. "The park flower garden gave its life for this bouquet." **(A/N: Well, they live on top of a mountain covered with snow. Where else is she gonna find a flower garden?)**

Arukenimon walks up to Datirimon, holding a sugar bowl. "You're so sweet, Datirimon, why don't I just stuff you into this sugar bowl?"

"Go ahead and try it, lady." he sneers, looking fierce and showing his teeth.

Clearly unimpressed, she grabs him and stuffs him into the bowl.

Oikawa walks up. "Say, Arukenimon, where's Datirimon?"

"He's at a humility lesson."

Arukenimon is leaning on the bread bin, when Datirimon walks past.

"Why, hello, Datirimon." she says with an uncharacteristically sweet smile.

A few minutes later, Oikawa walks up. "Arukenimon, where's Datirimon? You didn't stuff him in that bread bin, did you?"

Arukenimon points to Datirimon, who is sipping a soda through a straw.

"Thank goodness." sighs Oikawa. He picks up Datirimon and walks off.

Arukenimon glares after him. "What type of jerk does Oikawa take me for?"

"Arukeni, can I come out now?" a muffled voice asks from the bread bin.

"Oh, shut up, Mummymon."

Datirimon is standing on a tree branch. Far below, Arukenimon holds out her hands, ready to catch him.

"Jump, Datirimon. I'll have you out of there in two shakes of a cat's tail."

She puts one hand to her chin, and the other behind her back as something occurs to her. "Or is that two shakes of a lamb's tail?"

Unseen by her, Datirimon lands face down in the snow.

Arukenimon walks up to Oikawa, who has a pained look on his face.

"What do we have here?" she asks. Then she realises. "Let me guess. Hot coffee in the lap?"

"The pain!" Oikawa squeaks.

Arukenimon lies in bed. "What a dismal day. I think I'll stay in bed all day."

Oikawa walks up. "Good morning, Arukenimon. It's a beautiful day today."

"What a beautiful day. I think I'll stay in bed all day."

Arukenimon is watching TV, flicking through the channels. "Reruns!" she tuts in disgust, turning the set off.

She walks over to the table and picks up the paper, only to be more disgusted by the contents. "Yesterday's news!"

Throwing down the paper, she walks into the kitchen and looks through the fridge. "Leftovers!"

Sighing, she walks back into the living room. "There's never anything new around here."

Just then, Oikawa and Mummymon run by in a panic. "RUN FOR YOUR LIFE!" screams Oikawa. "THE PLUMBING BACKED UP AND THOUSANDS OF PIRAHNA ARE SPAWNING IN THE TOILET!"

Arukenimon is not impressed. "AGAIN?"

Arukenimon and Oikawa are at the diner.

"Would you like an after-dinner coffee drink?" asks the waitress.

"Sure!" says Oikawa. "What have you got?"

"Well there's your regular and your decaf."

"You've gotta love a diner." says Arukenimon.

Arukenimon wakes up and looks at the calender.

"OH NO!" she gasps. "I'm NOT getting out of bed today! Not on Monday the 13th."

Oikawa pours syrup on a pile of pancakes, when Arukenimon lets out a huge sneeze.

"Gesundheit." says Oikawa. The pancakes are stuck all over his body.

Oikawa taps on Arukenimon's blanket. "Are you in there, Arukenimon?"

"There's no-one here, but us pigs." comes the answer, as she holds Porkchop out from under the sheets.

"I WILL NOT SPEAK TO YOUR STUFFED PIG!"

"Think of Porkchop as my social secretary."

Arukenimon types something into the computer. As she clicks on it, there is a knock at the door, and she opens it to see a guy holding a mug of coffee.

"I now officially love the Internet." she sighs.


	13. Chapter 13

**Well, here's the next chapter! And I'm sorry about the wait.**

Arukenimon wakes up and blinks. "What's this strange feeling inside me?" She thinks for a moment, then smiles-not her usual evil smile, but a sweet, tender one. **(A/N: scary, huh?)**

"I feel like being nice to everyone today!"

She gets out of bed, goes to Oikawa and kisses him on the cheek, startling him. She then goes up to Mummymon and kisses him on the lips. She spots Datirimon, picks him up, and kisses him-only to get grabbed by Oikawa and Mummymon, stuffed into a straitjacket and thrown into a padded cell.

"People don't want nice." she grumbles. "People want consistancy."

*

Arukenimon lies in bed, glaring at the ceiling.

"I hate Monday...something bad always happens to me on a Monday...it's only a matter of time..."

There is silence for a few seconds. "The suspense is killing me." she groans.

Five seconds later, she sits up and throws up her arms. "DO IT TO ME NOW, MONDAY! GET IT OVER WITH!"

*

Arukenimon is watching tv.

"I love television." she sighs. "Where else can you see significant world events? Where else can you see the great opera and ballet? Where else can you see Lorenzo the Woodchuck race a steam locomotive over Ricky the Rat?"

*

Oikawa is about to bite into a hamburger, when Arukenimon walks up and snatches it from him. "Gimme that hamburger!"

She then starts eating it herself. "You get a lot more accomplished if you do it with authority."

*

Arukenimon walks up to Mummymon. "I'm in the mood for a good fight," she muses, "But I am personally opposed to senseless violence."

She gives him a good, hard kick. "That's for not being female."

*

Arukenimon is holding Porkchop, her toy pig.

"I'm getting too old for a piggy." she sighs. "It's not that I feel silly, it's the peer pressure."

We see that Oikawa and Mummymon are trying not to snigger.

*

Arukenimon places Porkchop on the ground. "Porkchop, I have to start weaning myself from you. I have to make it out there on my own."

She starts to walk off, but then starts shaking and shivering. She walks back and grabs Porkchop. "That's good enough for the first week."

*

"I have to break this piggy dependency." sighs Arukenimon.

She places Porkchop on the ground and walks off, shivering and shaking all the way. Just then, Mummymon walks past and she grabs him, cuddling him close to her.

Mummymon blinks. "Um...should I feel elated or worried?"

*

Arukenimon is sitting on top of the chest of drawers.

"I've made it a whole day without my piggy." she sighs. "But if I don't cuddle something soon, I'll go crazy."

She reaches into the drawer, pulls something out and holds it close to her. "This sweat sock just isn't the same."

*

Arukenimon hurries over to where she left Porkchop. "PORKCHOP!"

She grabs him and holds him close to her. "So much for kicking the piggy habit." she sighs. "It's unatural to be near someone you love and not hold them now and again."

*

"Arukenimon hasn't been paying attention to me lately." Oikawa remarks to Mummymon.

"Nonsense, boss!"

"Don't believe me? I'll prove it."

Oikawa walks over to Arukenimon, who is sitting at the table reading a magazine. "Hey, Arukenimon, what say we go to the hairdresser's and have you shaved bald?"

"That would be fine." she murmurs, not looking up from the magazine.

"Case closed." says Oikawa triumphantly.

*

Oikawa is sitting on the sofa. Arukenimon sits beside him. "Oikawa," she says, "I know I've been ignoring you lately, but I want to say it's not because I don't care for you. It's like my ears hear you, but my brain keeps wandering off course. I've just been preoccupied."

She gets up and walks off. "Enough said. Let's get on with it."

"Huh?" remarks Oikawa, having not listened to a word she said.

*

Oikawa is standing at the window.

"Most kids love snow." he sighs. "Most kids love throwing snowballs and making snowmen. Mine are out for world domination."

We see that Arukenimon and Mummymon have built a large catapault, and are using it to throw HUMENGEOUS snowballs.

*

Oikawa is sitting in a chair, with Arukenimon leaning over the back of it.

"One nice thing about confiding in Digimon is that they are non-judgemental." remarks Oikawa. He turns his attention to Arukenimon. "Arukenimon, I got a speeding ticket today."

She slaps him around the head. "That was a stupid thing to do!"

*

Arukenimon has set up the popcorn maker. She opens the popcorn bag, and frowns. "I've been had! There's only one popcorn kernel in here!"

She sighs, and places the kernel into the popcorn maker. "Oh well, I suppose one's better than nothing."

POP! The kernel pops into a HUGE piece of popcorn, knocking her off her feet.

*

Arukenimon wakes up, and sighs. "It's Monday...a cold, wet grey Monday morning."

She walks into the kitchen, and bites into some cold toast while listening to the radio. "Some guy with a trumpet is playing the blues, and my breakfast is cold."

Despite it all, she smiles. "It's all so depressing, I can't wipe this smile off my face."

*

"Today is Thursday, and that's cannelloni day." says Arukenimon.

"Here's your ramen, Arukenimon." says Mummymon, placing a bowl in front of her. "Will there be anything else?"

"Let me jog your memory." she snaps, pouring the soup over him.


	14. Chapter 14

**Sorry about the wait. To make up for it, you're getting TWO chapters instead of one!**

Arukenimon sticks her hand out from under the bed covers. "This feels like a great day to stay in bed."

Oikawa walks up. "Hop up, Arukenimon. We're going on a picnic."

"Give the snakes and bugs my regrets. I ain't going."

Unimpressed, Oikawa grabs the bed and lifts it, tipping her out.

"I'LL GET YOU FOR THIS, MONDAY!" Arukenimon screams.

*

Oikawa holds up a cord that was sticking out of the picnic basket. "What's this?"

"I packed the microwave for our trip." explains Arukenimon.

"Well I'm leaving it here." says Oikawa, removing it from the basket. He then notices an ariel. "Wha?"

"If the TV stays, I stay."

*

At the picnic site, Oikawa lays the picnic cloth. "Wait until you try my cherry pie, Arukenimon. It's the world's best."

"I know." says Arukenimon, looking behind her at an ant-covered lump. "Two million ants can't be wrong."

*

"The picnic's all set, Arukenimon." says Oikawa. "Did I forget anything?"

A sudden gust of wind blows the tablecloth into their faces.

"You forgot the rock for the tablecloth."

*

"That pesky wind won't spoil our picnic now, Arukenimon." says Oikawa. "Where's the mustard?"

Arukenimon points to a spot on the rock-covered tablecloth. "Under the third rock on the right."

*

Oikawa sighs. "Well, Arukenimon, the ants ate my cherry pie. The wind blew the picnic everywhere."

"Don't say it!" Arukenimon cries.

He ignores her and continues. "What else could possibly go wrong?"

As soon as the words leave his mouth, it starts to rain. "You said it." groans Arukenimon.

*

Oikawa and Arukenimon are sitting at a table.

Oikawa is telling a boring story. "So I say to this clerk, 'Look, if the whole bunch of bananas is 60 yen, why can't I have one for 10 yen?"

Arukenimon puts her hand over his mouth, then walks off.

"Don't you want to hear how the rest of the story came out?"

"Tell it to the plants."

*

Arukenimon and Oikawa are watching tv.

"Are you sure you want to watch this, Arukenimon?" asks Oikawa. "It's a depressing movie about a 50-foot spider that terrorizes a small city."

"You root for your side, I'll root for mine." says Arukenimon, holding up a flag which reads SPIDER.

*

"OH NO! THE SPIDER ATE ANOTHER POLICE OFFICER!" screams Oikawa, clapping his hands over his eyes.

"The original fast food franchise." sniggers Arukenimon.

"Now what disgusting thing is the spider doing?"

"He's spitting out the gun."

*

"Tell me when the spider is finished eating the soldier, ok, Arukenimon?" whimpers Oikawa.

Arukenimon taps him on the shoulder. "You can look now."

He does. And lets out a loud scream. "HE WASN'T DONE YET!"

"Oh, I thought you meant the main parts."

*

"Good! They electricuted the spider!" cheers Oikawa.

He smirks at Arukenimon. "What do you think to those apples, Arukenimon?"

"Big deal." scoffs Arukenimon. "The final score was Citizens:1, Spider 52."

*

"Well, what did you think to the man-eating spider movie?" asks Oikawa.

Arukenimon grins at him evily, then switches into Digimon form and looms over him.

"You know I hate that, Arukenimon." he squeaks.

*

Arukenimon is sitting at a table, holding a cup, when Oikawa snatches it away from her.

"You may not know this, Arukenimon, but I'm an expert at reading tea leaves." he says. He looks into the cup and smiles. "Ah, yes. It says you will have a long and healthy life. Your boss is kind and handsome, and you will soon travel."

He smiles at her. "Anything you'd like to say?"

Clearly unimpressed, she folds her arms over her chest. "May I have my coffee back?"

*

Arukenimon and Mummymon are sitting at a table covered with food. As he eats a sandwich, she holds up a burger.

"I can't possibly eat all this food." she smirks. "It's time for a FOOD FIGHT!"

Before she can throw the burger, however, a pie SPLUTS into the back of her head. "You stay out of this, Monday!"

*

Arukenimon and Mummymon are on a brick wall. Mummymon is sitting happily, swinging his legs and admiring the scenery, as Arukenimon storms over to him, a furious look on her face.

"I'm in a bad mood." she growls to herself. "I need something to cheer me up."

She gives Mummymon a shove and he falls from the wall onto the hard pavement below.

Despite this, the glare on her face doesn't change. "This MUST be serious. That didn't even cheer me up."

*

Arukenimon and Oikawa are at the diner.

Surprisingly, the waitress is sitting with them. "Hey! We're getting hungry here!" she shouts. "How's about some service?"

She turns to Oikawa. "Who's in charge here, anyway?"

"You are." says Oikawa.

The waitress claps a hand to her forehead. "Forgot."

Arukenimon claps a hand to her own forehead. "I'm going home."

*

Mummymon is watching a drama TV, while Arukenimon lounges on the floor.

"I have some bad news, Arukenimon." says Mummymon. "I ran out of your favourite soup."

"Big deal."

"I accidentlly used boot polish on your flute."

"I'll survive."

"And Riku left Midori for Shinobu."

"HOW COULD HE?!"


	15. Chapter 15

**Well, here's that extra chapter I promised!**

Arukenimon wakes up, yawns and pulls Porkchop, her toy pig, out from underneath the bedclothes. "You go out and play, Porkchop."

When she places him on the floor, however, he falls upwards,

"What the..." she begins, before noticing the nails holding her blanket to the bed. "HEY! I've been nailed into bed!"

She sits up, only to nearly fall upwards. She manages to save herself by grabbing the blanket. As she clings on for dear life, we suddenly see that her bed has been glued to the ceiling. Oikawa walks up, a triumphant smirk on his face.

"I assume this is for putting the tarantula in your shoe?" Arukenimon guesses.

"Now we're even."

*

Arukenimon takes something from the bathroom cupboard. "I could sure use some of Oikawa's deodorant."

She sprays it onto her armpits, but it makes her arms stick out on each side.

Oikawa walks up. "How's it going, Arukenimon.?'

"Fine, until I found the spray starch in your cupboard."

*

Arukenimon sits up in bed and sighs. "Well, I wonder what's going to happen to me today?"

In answer to her question, a pie SPLUTS into her face. "Monday moves in a mysterious way."

*

Arukenimon walks through town, eating a fortune cookie. "I wonder what my fortune cookie fortune is?"

She reads it, and finds that it says 'You will be whisked away to a large white building where all you have to do is lie in bed all day as lots of people pay attention to you and bring you food.'

"Yeah right." she scoffs, unaware that she is about to fall down a manhole.

*

Arukenimon sits at a table, her head on her arms and a depressed look on her face. "Oh boy, am I down today."

Oikawa walks up, a depressed look on his face as well. "You look down today, Arukenimon, but I think I'm even downer."

"I hate one-downmanship." sighs Arukenimon.

*

Oikawa sighs. "I'm so depressed, it's depressing."

"Tell me about it." agrees Arukenimon gloomily.

"I think I'll go out and shoot myself."

"Oh sure. You're just trying to cheer me up."

*

"Why are we so depressed, Arukenimon?" asks Oikawa.

"I have this theory." she answers. "We've been stating up too late, lately. And being happy takes up entirely too much energy."

*

"We've gotta do something about this depression, Arukenimon." sighs Oikawa.

"Check."

"Maybe a change of surrounding would cheer us up."

"Check."

They manage to drag themselves outside and sit on the cabin stairs. "Wrongo." says Oikawa gloomily.

"Check." agrees Arukenimon.

*

"There's only one way out of this deep blue funk we're in, Arukenimon." says Oikawa. "I hate to do it, but it has to be done."

"I hope it works." sighs Arukenimon.

Oikawa turns away slightly, making some small noises of discomfort as he fiddles with something, then turns around revealing a banana stuffed in his left ear. "TAA-DAA!"

Arukenimon smiles broadly. "Bingo!"

*

Arukenimon walks up to Oikawa, who is about to bite into a steak, and puts her face very close to his. "I'm taking this steak, and there's nothing you can do about it, Chipmunk Cheeks."

With that, she picks up the plate of steak and walks off.

"I've always encouraged Arukenimon to be assertive, but I believe she's now crossed the fine line into obnoxious." says Oikawa.

*

Arukenimon picks up a packet of pancake mix. "I think I'll have pancakes for breakfast."

When she tips it up, however, the powdery mix pours out over her.

"Once again, our nation's criminal element has callously disregarded the truth in packaging laws." she grumbles.

*

Arukenimon picks up Porkchop, her toy pig, only for his arm to fall off. She screams and faints.

Oikawa walks up. "I'm almost afraid to ask what happened here."

*

"QUICK QUICK!" cries Arukenimon. "PUT PORKCHOP'S ARM BACK ON!"

"Relax, Arukenimon." says Oikawa reassuringly. "I'll fix Porkchop right up. It's no big deal."

Arukenimon grabs him by the collar. "No big deal? Look, Buster, I've never lost a loved one before."

*

Arukenimon paces the floor anxiously until Oikawa walks up holding Porkchop.

"I sewed Porkchop's arm back on as good as new, Arukenimon." he says as she grabs her pig and cuddles him close.

"Yes, but will he ever lay the piano again?"

"Methinks the spider doth expect too much." mutters Oikawa.

*

Arukenimon inspects Porkchop. "You did a pretty good job of sewing Porkchop's arm on."

"I used small stitches, so as not to leave a scar." says Oikawa.

Arukenimon glares at him. "I think you're picking on me."

*

Arukenimon holds Porkchop close to her.

"Porkchop, when you lost your arm, I got to think about our mortality and that's depressing. So promise me you'll never lose your arm again, ok?"

She walks off, not noticing that his leg has fallen off.

*

Oikawa looks over at Arukenimon, who is chewing the nails on a hand. "You shouldn't chew your nails, Arukenimon."

"That's OK." she answers, holding up the hand to reveal a startled-looking blue-clad Digimon. "I'm chewing on Mummymon's."


	16. Chapter 16

**Well, here's the next chapter! Thanks for being so patient!**

Arukenimon and Oikawa are at the diner.

The waitress pours Oikawa a cup of coffee. "The coffee's strong today, hon. You better get it before it gets you."

"Is it hot?" asks Oikawa.

The waitress sticks her finger in the cup. "Yup."

"This isn't one of your better diners." says Arukenimon.

*

Arukenimon walks up to Oikawa, who is about to bite into a hamburger, and hugs him.

"How sweet." he chuckles, before realising something. "Wait a minute! I bet you want something from me, don't you?"

Arukenimon looks offended. "How dare you suggest I trade my affection for selfish reasons! For a bite of that hamburger, I'll forget you said that."

*

Oikawa is sitting in the park, when Arukenimon walks up and sits beside him.

"Good morning, Arukenimon. I'm glad you could share this glorious morning with me." He gestures at the scenery before them. "Rembrandt would give up painting in a minute if he could see the canvas Mother Nature has rendered for us today." A bird lands on his finger and chirps. "Just listen to the symphony of sounds from Nature's flute section." He picks a bunch of flowers, and holds them to Arukenimon's face. "And the sights and sounds are perfumed with these lovely flowers. What do you think, Arukenimon?"

He notices her unimpressed face. "You really don't care, do you?"

"Bingo."

*

Arukenimon is lying on her back, looking up at the sky.

"Clouds are so interesting. I love finding shapes in them. There's a chicken cloud, and a hamburger cloud, and a bicycle cloud..."

There is suddenly a loud clap of thunder, and it begins to rain. "And I do believe that one's a rain cloud."

*

Arukenimon is asleep in bed, when Oikawa shakes her awake. "ARUKENIMON! WAKE UP!"

Ignoring her glare, he continues. "I've made a decision that could alter the course of my entire life."

He draws himself up importantly, and announces "I have decided to grow a mustache."

"I suppose I could always blame this on Monday." Arukenimon mutters.

*

Arukenimon walks up to Oikawa, who is seated at the table drinking a cup of coffee. The beginning of a mustache can be seen on his face.

"Notice anything different about me, Arukenimon?"

"You're not drinking out of your Krusty the Klown mug?"

"I think my mustache is coming along nicely."

She looks a little closer. "That's not your cocoa?"

"Wanna touch it? It feels really weird."

She draws back, a disgusted look on her face. "Hey, buddy, I have to eat with these hands!"

*

Oikawa walks up to Arukenimon and Mummymon.

"Look, Mummymon!" Arukenimon mock-whispers, pointing to Oikawa's mustache. "A hideous hairy monster is nesting under Oikawa's nose! Maybe it'll spread, and cover the rest of his face."

As the two of them snigger, Oikawa glowers. "Are you making fun of me?"

"IT MOVED!" Arukenimon screams, jumping into Mummymon's arms.

*

Arukenimon hears a loud scream from Oikawa, who is in the bathroom, and runs up to him.

"OIKAWA! WHAT HAPPENED?"

"I'M FINE! GO AWAY!"

"ARE YOU OKAY? TELL ME!"

Oikawa turns to face her, the electric shaver attached to his face. "The shaver snagged my mustache, OK?!"

*

Arukenimon walks up to Oikawa, who is mustache-free once more.

"I shaved off my mustache, Arukenimon."

"Do tell." she deadpans.

"I decided it made me look like a walrus."

"I'm proud of you, Oikawa. It takes a big walrus to admit his mistakes."

*

"Arukenimon, it's noon. Are you getting out of bed?"

"I'd love to get up, but the blanket is extra-heavy today."

*

Oikawa walks up to Arukenimon, who is lying on the sofa. "Arukenimon, the weekend has officially started!"

There is a second's pause, then he looks at his watch. "Yup, we are now one minute into the weekend."

"Wake me when it's over."

*

Arukenimon walks up to Mummymon. "Staring contest!"

"Great!"

Instead of staring at her, however, he turns and stares in the opposite direction.

"At each other, you idiot!" she snaps.

*

"My future is looking bright!" says Oikawa happily, holding out his arm. There is a second's pause, then he starts shaking his arm. "CRAMP! CRAMP!"

"Has the future started yet?" deadpans Arukenimon.


	17. Chapter 17

********

Here's the next chapter!

****

Arukenimon is staring out of the window at the rain.

"It's Monday." she sighs. "What an ugly day."

"Hey, Arukenimon!" calls Oikawa. "We're going camping!"

"If I die, maybe I won't have to go." she mutters.

*

Oikawa, Mummymon and Arukenimon are in the car. Oikawa is driving, Mummymon looks excited, and Arukenimon has her arms folded and is glaring at everyone and everything.

"Great day for a camping trip, right, guys?" says Oikawa. "Yessiree, families should do stuff together."

"Good idea." says Arukenimon sarcastically. "Let's all get carsick."

*

"Isn't this fun, guys?" Oikawa asks. "You know, I have a feeling that nothing's going to spoil this camping trip."

There is a loud BUMP! and the car jolts sideways. "Congratulations." Arukenimon deadpans. "You just ran over a cow."

*

"Let's get out, get some fresh air and stretch our legs, guys." says Oikawa, stopping the car and opening the door. He and Mummymon get out, but Arukenimon stays resolutely where she is.

"Mummymon likes it." says Oikawa, annoyed.

She doesn't budge. "Leave the keys so I can listen to the radio."

*

The trio are in the woods.

"Survival is my life, Arukenimon." boasts Oikawa. "Watch me set up camp." He takes the bag with the food and dumps its contents on the ground. "First we unpack our food..." He unrolls the sleeping bags. "...then roll out our sleeping bags..." He gathers sticks and makes a fire. "...build the campfire..." He pulls the tent from its bag, and starts putting it up. "...and finally, set up the tent!"

He dusts off his hands, then thinks for a moment. "Let's see now...what have I forgotten?"

Arukenimon looks at the campsite. A bear is eating the food, the fire is burning the sleeping bags and the tent is upside-down. "To notify your next-of-kin?"

*

"Well, here we are camping, guys." says Oikawa happily, having gotten everything sorted (at last). "Isn't this perfect?"

"I disagree." says Arukenimon.

He ignores her. "The tent is perfect, the view is perfect. Everything is perfect!"

"It's not perfect yet."

Suddenly, it starts to rain. "NOW it's perfect." says Arukenimon.

*

The trio are inside the tent as it continues to rain.

"This rain will end someday, Arukenimon." says Oikawa reassuringly. "We've just gotta have a sense of humour about this."

"I'll never be dry again." groans Arukenimon.

Suddenly, Oikawa lets out a shriek. "THERE'S A CARP IN MY KNAPSACK!"

"Where's your sense of humour, Oikawa?" Arukenimon asks snidely.

*

"Um, Arukenimon... We have some snacks in the car."

"What are you trying to tell me, Oikawa?"

"Go get 'em for me, will ya?"

"Sure, no problem."

Arukenimon walks back to the car wrapped in the tent, leaving Oikawa and Mummymon in the rain.

*

Oikawa realises something. "The firewood's getting wet, Arukenimon. Go get it."

"No way."

"I SAID, GO GET IT!" he snaps.

"Okay!" she snaps back. She storms out, and returns soaking wet, clutching a few drenched pieces of wood.

"Your firewood, Bwana." she says in a voice that could freeze the Sahara.

"Ooops." squeaks Oikawa.

*

"Go outside and see if it's still raining, Arukenimon." says Oikawa.

"Yes, Sahib." she replies sarcastically.

She goes outside. "Good news! It's stopped raining." She comes back in, covered in snow. "It's snowing."

*

Oikawa pokes his head out of the tent. "Hey, it's stopped raining!" He puts on a stupid-looking hat. "Let's go hiking, guys!"

He steps out of the tent, but steps into a puddle so deep, only his hat can be seen.

Arukenimon and Mummymon poke their heads out of the tent, and see the hat floating on the puddle. "See what happens when you don't have sidewalks, Mummymon."

*

It's nighttime, and the trio are sound asleep in the tent. Suddenly, there is a loud growling noise which awakens Arukenimon and Mummymon.

"Did you hear that?" asks Arukenimon.

"It sounds like a bear!" gasps Mummymon. "LET'S GET OUTTA HERE!"

Quickly, they run out of the tent and manage to scramble up a nearby tree.

Arukenimon breathes a sigh of relief. "We made it! We're safe!"

Then they notice the bear sneaking into the tent. "Maybe we should've warned the boss." ponders Mummymon. **(A/N: I know they could've just transformed into Digimon form and kicked bear butt, but where's the humour in that?)**

*

Arukenimon lies in the tent and sighs.

"I can't believe it. Two weeks cooped up with Oikawa and Bandage Brain in the middle of nowhere. If I don't get to visit with some real humanity soon, I'm going to go bonkers!"

She comes out of the tent and picks up a rock. "So...rock, read any good books lately?"

*

"Go outside and check for bears, Arukenimon." says Oikawa.

"Sure, why not?" she replies sarcastically.

She goes outside. "No...there are no bears out here..." She comes back in badly bruised, with scratches over her face and her clothes badly clawed. "Just pumas."

*

The trio are about to go home.

Oikawa, about to put the sleeping bags in the back seat, notices the unimpressed looks on the face of the Digimon. "Okay, so it rained for two weeks." he says. "We still had fun, didn't we?"

He opens the back door and gallons of water spill out, knocking the Digimon off their feet. "Okay, so I forgot to roll the window up..."

*

The trio are driving home.

"Do you know what I'm looking forward to after camping, guys?" says Oikawa. "A nice hot shower. And from the smell of things, you guys could use one too."

Unseen by anyone, a bear has snuck into the car.

*

The trio are walking back to the cabin.

"Camping sure was fun, wasn't it, guys?" asks Oikawa. "Gee, I wish we could camp just one more night."

"That can be arranged." says Arukenimon. She enters the cabin and locks Mummymon and Oikawa out.


	18. Chapter 18

**Sorry about the huge wait! Here's the next chapter!**

Oikawa is sitting on the sofa when Mummymon storms by, an uncharacteristically angry glare on his face. He glowers at a puzzled Oikawa, then storms off.

A minute later, Arukenimon storms up, an angry glare on HER face. "Did Mummymon give you my message?"

*

Arukenimon is sitting reading a book when someone rings the doorbell. "I wonder who that could be?"

As she walks over to the door, she smiles slightly. "Oh well, at least I know who it's NOT. He's far too short to reach the doorbell."

When she opens the door, however, Datirimon is standing there, balanced on a pile of boxes. "TAH-DAH!"

Arukenimon screams.

*

Oikawa is sitting at a table when Datirimon walks by, smirking and wearing a false shark's fin on his head.

"I wonder what Datirimon's up to." he murmurs.

Seconds later there is a loud scream and Arukenimon, wearing a red and purple bathrobe and with soaking wet hair, comes running in. "THERE'S A SHARK IN THE BATHTUB!" she cries, jumping into Oikawa's arms.

"Ahh." he nods in understanding.

*

Arukenimon holds a pillow under Datirimon, who is standing on top of the table. "Jump onto the pillow, Datirimon."

When he jumps, however, she pulls the pillow away so he lands on the hard floor.

He sits up and glares at her. "You did that on purpose, didn't you?"

She smirks slightly. "I do everything on purpose."

*

Arukenimon sits at the table, eating a bowl of ramen. She finishes her bowl then looks over at Datirimon's, which is right next to her.

"Gee, since Datirimon isn't here, I guess I'll eat his food too."

After she has finished and left, we see she has been sitting on Datirimon the whole time.

*

Datirimon is playing with a little rubber ball when Arukenimon comes in.

"You don't have to play with that silly little ball, Datirimon." she says, smiling at him. "I'll get my personal ball for you."

As she walks off, a huge smile appears on Datirimon's face. "How nice! Maybe Arukenimon likes me after all!"

Unseen by him, Arukenimon throws a bowling ball at him.

*

Arukenimon has a huge grin on her face, which does not go unnoticed by Oikawa.

"Ok, what's the grin for?" he demands. "You did something, didn't you?"

He then looks worried. "Was there any property damage or loss of life?"

"Define 'life'"

*

Arukenimon is sitting at a table when Oikawa walks in. "Hey, Arukenimon, I just bought a Swiss Army Knife! It does about a million things."

"Sure." she scoffs. As he fiddles with it, she continues. "I've seen those things before. They're about as much use as..."

FOOMP! A large umbrella appears from the handle, causing the two of them to stare dumbfounded. "Well...that's a new one on me." Arukenimon murmurs.

*

Arukenimon and Oikawa are at the diner.

"Ah yes, it's good to be back at the ol' diner!" Oikawa sighs happily, placing his hands on the counter.

The waitress walks up. "Hi, hon! What can I get you?"

"For starters, a spatula." replies Oikawa. "My hands are stuck to the counter."

"Some things never change." says Aruenimon.

*

Oikawa sniffs the air. "Mmmmm... I love the smells of a diner."

As the waitress walks past, he asks "Excuse me, what's that smell? Something sizzling on the grill?"

"Naw." she replies. "That's the chef."

Arukenimon gets up. "I'll be hitchhiking home now."

*

Arukenimon sits in front of the tv. "TV can be habit forming. I've been watching it all day."

Mummymon walks up. "Would you like me to turn on the TV, Arukeni?"

"That would be nice."

*

Arukenimon and Oikawa are sitting at the table.

"I'll just take the last helping of cannelloni, Arukenimon." says Oikawa, serving himself. "And you may do whatever you wish with the pan."

As he laughs, she picks up the pan and hits him around the head with it.

*

Arukenimon is walking in the park. "I wonder what today is?"

As if to answer her question, she steps on a rake which smacks her in the face. "Monday." she groans.

*

"AHA!" Oikawa shouts, having caught Arukenimon in the pantry, stuffing her face. "Let's see you get out of THIS one gracefully." he challenges.

In response, she hops on her toes, revealing that she is wearing ballet pumps and a tutu, and piroettes away, leaving him to fume.


	19. Chapter 19

**Two chapters in two days! I do spoil you.**

Arukenimon is holding Porkchop, her toy pig, when Oikawa walks up.

"Porkchop's looking a little dirty." he remarks. "What say I run him through the wash?"

Arukenimon holds Porkchop to her protectively. "My piggy is NOT dirty!"

As she says this, however, a large cloud of dust billows from him. "Dusty, maybe." she admits.

*

"Porkchop is in the wash this morning." Oikawa tells Arukenimon. "You'll just have to find a subsitute for the next hour."

No sooner are the words out of his mouth when Arukenimon grabs him and cuddles him close.

"Uh, Arukenimon..."

"Shh. Porkchop doesn't talk."

*

Oikawa hands a newly-clean Porkchop to Arukenimon. "There he is, fresh from the dryer and all clean! What do you think?"

Arukenimon studies Porkchop, then licks her finger and rubs at a mark on his stomach. "Missed a spot."

Oikawa sweatdrops.

*

Arukenimon holds a marker pen and several pictures of Mummymon.

"I just finished drawing a moustache on every picture of Mummymon in the cabin!" she sniggers to herself.

Just then, Mummymon walks up holding a marker, a thick black moustache drawn on his face. "Hey, Arukenimon, I just drew a moustache on my face!"

Arukenimon glares at him. "Troublemaker!"

*

Oikawa settles himself in the armchair in front of the TV, a bowl of hot buttered popcorn in one hand and a large glass of cola in the other. He places the cola on the floor and picks up the remote. "There's nothing like a nice quiet evening at home." he sighs, turning on the TV.

A second later, Arukenimon zips up. She grabs the remote and flicks through the channels, gobbles up the popcorn, dumps the bowl on Oikawa's head and glugs down the cola before leaving.

"Not around here, at any rate." sighs Oikawa.

*

Arukenimon is reading the paper. "Let's see what the weather forecast is."

When she turns to it, it reads 'Saccharine with occasional coyness."

"I wonder what that means?" she wonders. Unseen by her, Datirimon walks up, holding a suitcase in his mouth.

*

Datirimon walks up to Arukenimon. "Hello, I'm Datirimon, the world's cutest baby Digimon."

"I know." remarks Arukenimon. "There's something more important than being cute, y'know."

"Whatever could that be?" a puzzled Datirimon asks.

"Being big." And with that, she kicks him out of the room.

*

Datirimon looks up at the calendar. "Gee, I'd love to be in a cute Digimon calendar one day."

"That can be arranged." says Arukenimon.

"Really?" he squeals.

Arukenimon picks him up and ties him to the calendar.

*

Arukenimon is lying on the sofa when Datirimon walks past, a confident grin on his face. "What a great day! I feel like conquering the world today!"

"Fat chance!" Arukenimon scoffs. "You're suffering from the idealism of youth."

Datirimon gives her a nonchalant look. "Has it occured to you that you may be suffering from the cynicism of old age?"

Arukenimon gets up, picks up Datirimon and strides out of the cabin. "Ok, first we conquer the block, then the neighbourhood..."

*

The postman knocks on the door. Oikawa answers.

"I hate to bother you, sir, but you put insufficient postage on your package." says the postman.

Oikawa looks puzzled. "What package?"

The postman holds up a package shaped suspiciously like a tomato. "This baby Digimon you're mailing to Hong Kong."

"ARUKENIMON!" Oikawa screams.

*

Arukenimon and Oikawa are at the diner.

"I love diners. They're so warm and friendly." sighs Oikawa. "It's nice to come to a place where everybody knows everybody's name."

The waitress walks up. "Hi, hon!"

"And that name is 'hon'" remarks Arukenimon.

*

Oikawa looks at the menu. "How's your turkey?"

"Great." says the waitress.

"How's your fish?"

"Great."

"How's your chicken?"

"Poor thing has a fever today."

"Hold the chicken." says Arukenimon.

*

"Is the meatloaf good?" asks Oikawa.

"You'll love it." says the waitress. "It's the chef's mother's recipe, rest her soul."

As she walks off, Oikawa looks thoughtful. "I wonder how she died?"

In answer to his question, the waitress places a plate of meatloaf in front of him...complete with cow horns.

"I'm betting she choked on a horn." Arukenimon mutters.

*

"For being such good customers, here's a special treat from me!" The waitress hands both Arukenimon and Oikawa a cone of what appears to be ice-cream.

"Thanks!" says Oikawa happily. He licks his cone, then frowns. "This is a scoop of mashed potatoes in a cone."

"Hand me one of those butter pats." says Arukenimon.

*

"Excuse me?" says Oikawa. "There's a hair in my chicken salad."

The waitress studies the plate, then sniggers. "Nice try, Mr Joker. Chickens don't have hair." To Oikawa's shock, she picks up the plate and pokes the salad.

"All in favour of leaving..." says Arukenimon, raising her hand.

* * *


	20. Chapter 20

**MERRY CHRISTMAS! To celebrate, here's a special Christmas chapter of Garfield Mukeni Style!**

Arukenimon sits up in bed and touches the air. "Ah, yes. There it is. The old Christmas spirit is in the air once again."

"What would you like for breakfast, Arukeni?" asks Mummymon.

"A blueberry waffle, please. AND A CAR, A PONY AND A VILLA IN THE SOUTH OF FRANCE!"

*

Oikawa walks up to Arukenimon. "Well, Arukenimon, it's that time of year again!"

"Time to wash your socks?"

"Time to get a Christmas tree!"

"What's wrong with the one we have?"

We see that the tree is a scrawny little thing with only a few needles and covered in a few tatty decorations.

*

Oikawa enters the cabin, dragging a large pine tree behind him. "I got our Christmas tree. Close the door, will yuh?"

Arukenimon slams the door, cutting the top part of the tree off.

"I meant AFTER I got the tree in!" snaps Oikawa.

"You should've been more specific."

*

Oikawa opens the Christmas decoration box. "Ok, let's decorate the tree, Arukenimon."

Suddenly, the decorations start shaking and heaving. "THEY'RE ALIVE!" Oikawa screams. "THE DECORATIONS ARE ALIVE!!"

A certain blue-clad Digimon pops up from the box. "Surprise!"

"Very funny, Mummymon." says Arukenimon sarcastically.

*

Arukenimon and Oikawa stand before a just-decorated Christmas tree.

"Well, there it is, Arukenimon." says Oikawa proudly. "The most beautiful Christmas tree ever..."

As he is talking, Arukenimon notices a leftover bauble. She picks it up and hangs it on the tree, causing it to topple over on to of Oikawa. "Once again, the law of gravity rears its ugly head." she mutters.

*

Arukenimon points to a spot underneath the Christmas tree. "My Christmas present's gonna be right there. It's gonna be big, and real expensive, and...and..."

She peters out as something occurs to her. "Hmm...big."

She puts the tree on a chair. "It's gonna be big and..."

*

Arukenimon is sitting at a table, cutting wrapping paper. Mummymon walks up. "Hey, Arukeni, whatcha doin'?"

"Get out of the way, Bandage Brain! I'm trying to wrap presents."

Mummymon walks over to the other side and looks over her shoulder. She grabs him, sellotapes him to the wall, then resumes present wrapping.

*

Arukenimon is sitting on the sofa, knitting something.

A puzzled Oikawa walks up. "Knitting?"

"Yup."

As she continues knitting, it becomes clear that she is making a huge sock.

"Christmas stocking?" asks Oikawa.

"Naturally."

*

Oikawa walks into the cabin, holding several bags of shopping. "In case you're wondering where I've been and what I've bought, that's none of your business." he tells Arukenimon, who is lying on the sofa.

Arukenimon smiles broadly. "I love the Christmas season."

*

Arukenimon is spraying something onto the Christmas tree, when there is a loud "OUCH!" from the bathroom.

"Hey, this isn't shaving cream!" says Oikawa's voice.

Arukenimon looks at the tree, which is covered in shaving cream, then looks down at the can in her hand. "And this isn't tree flocking."

*

"I swear, Arukenimon." Oikawa sighs as he walks past the fireplace. "You get more excited about Christmas than any child I know!"

Arukenimon jumps down into the fireplace, covered with soot as she has been sitting in the chimney. "I DO NOT!"

*

"Santa Claus isn't stupid, Arukenimon." says Oikawa. "I'd think twice before you send him that e-mail about how good you were this year."

Arukenimon turns to the computer screen and frowns. "Maybe I should take out that part about winning the Nobel Peace Prize."

"Really?!" exclaims Mummymon. "Can I shake your hand?"

*

Oikawa spots something on a small side table. "Hey, milk and cookies!"

He goes to help himself, when there is a loud 'TWANG!' and he finds himself entangled in a net which hangs from the ceiling.

Arukenimon comes running up. "Hey, you're not Santa!" she cries.

*

Oikawa sticks his tongue out at Arukenimon. She retaliates, revealing that her tongue is covered with red, white and green stripes.

"Ah ha!" Oikawa cries triumphantly. "You DID eat my candy cane!"

"Rats."

*

Oikawa sniggers as he opens the closet door. "Arukenimon will never find her present in here."

Two purple gloved hands reach out from the closet and take the gift from him.

"Thank you." Oikawa smiles. He closes the door and is about to walk away, when he realises something. "Waaait a minute..."

*

Arukenimon opens a door, and is just about to go through when Mummymon steps in front of her.

"Get out of the way!" she snaps.

He smiles slyly and shakes his head, pointing up at the doorframe. She follows his finger, and gulps as she notices that they are standing under mistletoe. "Oh no."

"Oh yes!" Mummymon grabs her and pulls her into a kiss, but not before she screams so loudly that Oikawa, who is sitting outside, sits up in surprise.

*

Arukenimon picks up her present and shakes it. It rattles loudly.

"Hmm...a nice loud rattle. That's good...it means it's not socks."

*

"Ok, the lights are up, the tree is up, and the presents are wrapped." says Oikawa, ticking each item off on his fingers. "Let's see...what else needs to be don-"

Arukenimon smacks his shoulder.

"Oh yeah...bake the cookies." he remembers.

"Where ARE your priorities, man?!"

*

Arukenimon and Mummymon are sitting in front of the window.

Oikawa walks past. "Are you two going to bed, or are you going to wait up half the night on Santa?"

They make no move from the window. A few seconds later, he walks back and joins them.

*

It's Christmas morning, and the trio are sitting before the tree.

"Merry Christmas, Arukenimon!" says Oikawa. "What are you waiting for? Open up your presents!"

"I'm just savouring the moment." says Arukenimon. "This is my favourite morning of the whole year. All our differences are set aside and all the love we feel for one another is wrapped up in the gifts we have made with care. I love Christmas."

She sighs happily. "Ok, enough of sentiment. GIMME!"

**MERRY CHRISTMAS AND HAPPY NEW YEAR!**


	21. Chapter 21

**Sorry ta kep y'all waiting! Here's the next chapter!**

Oikawa is writing in his diary. "Dear Diary, I am bored."

Arukenimon, in Digimon form, zips by on a skateboard, with Mummymon (who is also in Digimon form) sitting on her shoulders, juggling.

Oikawa blinks, then turns back to his diary. "The Digimon, on the other hand..."

*

Oikawa looks through his wallet. "Hey, what happened to my credit cards?"

Hearing the front door open, he looks up. "Is that you two? Have you seen my credit..."

He peters out as he sees what they are wearing. Arukenimon is wearing a red full-length ballgown decorated with purple ribbons, purple opera gloves, purple ankle strap heels, an amethyst necklace, a silver tiara and two red roses in her hair, while Mummymon is wearing a midnight blue tuxedo, a white shirt, a dark blue bow tie, plain navy blue court shoes and pearl-grey silken gloves.

"Nice outfits." Oikawa deadpans.

"Thanks." says Arukenimon. "They're Italian."

*

"Life is filled with joy!" announces Arukenimon.

Mummymon walks up. "Just so you know, I decided to serve granola instead of cannelloni for dinner."

Arukenimon looks horrified. "Life was just toying with me!"

*

Oikawa is whistling to himself, when Arukenimon walks up and smacks him around the head.

"You're mean!" he cries.

"And you're off-key."

*

Arukenimon walks up to Oikawa, a huge smile on her face.

Oikawa frowns. "Ok, Arukenimon, what've you done?"

When she doesn't answer, he starts getting frustrated. "What've you done?! What've you done?!"

"I love mental games." Arukenimon mutters to herself.

*

Arukenimon is sitting at a table, drinking a cup of coffee.

Oikawa walks up, charred and smoking with his eyes bulging out. "I think the toaster has a short circuit."

"So now all of a sudden you're an electrician?"

*

Arukenimon is sitting at a table.

Oikawa walks up, covered in cuts and bruises, his clothes torn to ribbons. "You wouldn't believe my day, Arukenimon." he groans. "First, I tripped and fell down six flights of stairs. When I landed, I got my head stuck in a bucket of pork chops. Then, a roaming pack of hungry wolves mistook me for lunch and chased me into an open elevator shaft, which wouldn't have been so bad had it not been for the rabid shaft badgers.  
And then I..."

"Hey, Mr Motor Mouth!" Arukenimon snaps. "Don't you want to know how MY day went?"

*

Arukenimon is lying on the sofa.

Oikawa walks up, wearing a tracksuit and sweatband. "I enjoyed a brisk 3 mile run before breakfast." he boasts. "What did YOU do?"

Arukenimon burps slightly. "I enjoyed your breakfast."

*

Mummymon takes a plate from the fridge, and frowns. "That's funny. All the strawberries are gone, but the cheesecake I made is still there."

Arukenimon, who is walking past, claps a hand to her forehead. "I KNEW I forgot something!"

*

Mummymon walks up to Arukenimon, who is holding a rope. "Darling, may I ask what you're doing?"

In answer, she lets go of the rope, sending a safe crashing down onto him. She enters the combination and opens the safe door, only to be surprised as he gets out and walks away, completely unharmed. "No matter how many times I see it, I'm still amazed."

*

Arukenimon is sitting at a table.

Oikawa skips past. "Gotta dance!"

He slips and falls to the ground with a shriek.

"I guess that sounds better than 'gotta fall down.'" Arukenimon deadpans.

*

"Hey, Arukeni, what would you like for dinner?" asks Mummymon.

"Cannelloni." she answers.

"Some steamed rice?" he suggests, either not hearing her or trying to tease her.

"No, cannelloni."

"Maybe peas and carrots?"

"C-A-N-N-E-L-L-O-N-I...cannelloni!" she snaps.

"Or I could whip up a nice..."

Her temper reaching breaking point, Arukenimon storms off and returns carrying various food items. "HERE! Parmesan! Spinach! Mascarpone! Taleggio cheese! Sage! Butter!" As she names each item, she hurls it at Mummymon, finally stuffing the packet of butter in his mouth.

"Or puhatph cannewoni." he manages to say around the butter.

"NOW you're talking."

*

Oikawa sighs. "Sometimes I'm so dull, I'm almost invisible."

Arukenimon blinks and looks around. "Who said that?"

*

Oikawa looks in a mirror. His hair has been shaved to the point where he is almost bald. "So much for home barbering."

"I thought I did a pretty good job." says Arukenimon, holding up an electric shaver.

*

Oikawa is sitting on the dock of the bay, fishing. "Fishing is slow today." he sighs, as the Digimon walk up behind him.

"Watch and learn." says Mummymon, switching to Digimon form. Unravelling one of his bandages, he dangles it over the side of the dock. "Hey, fish! Look at the big white worm!"

A fish jumps onto the dock.

Arukenimon takes something from her pocket and holds it up. "Fish love M'n'Ms."

Two more fish jump onto the dock.

"And they hate having faces pulled at them." Mummymon, in human form again, pulls down his bottom eyelid and sticks out his tongue, causing several angry fish to jump onto the dock.

"And they REALLY hate waltzing." Arukenimon takes Mummymon's hands and they start waltzing, resulting in a flurry of angry fish jumping onto the dock.

"And I hate fishing in a parody fanfic." Oikawa grumbles.

**Well, hope ya liked it!**


	22. Chapter 22

**Here's the next chapter! Enjoy!**

Arukenimon and Oikawa are at the diner.

"What's on the menu today?" Oikawa asks the waitress.

"Dust bunny surprise."

Oikawa blinks. "What's a dust bunny?"

Arukenimon looks at the floor. "And why is the floor cleaner than usual?"

Oikawa looks at the menu. "I'll have the spaghetti, please."

"Do you want that on a plate?" asks the waitress.

"Of course I do!" says Oikawa, annoyed.

"Well EXCUSE me, Mr Picky!" the waitress snaps.

"Is it too much to ask for the same treatment others get?" he snaps back. "I'm a person too, you know!"

"I'll just have a small slice of life, please." Arukenimon sighs.

Arukenimon is sitting at a table.

Oikawa walks up, holding a rock. "Someone threw a rock through the window!"

He then spots something tied to the rock. "Hey, there's a note attached."

He removes it, opens it and reads, "You seem boring."

"We must remember to send him a thank-you rock." Arukenimon remarks.

Oikawa looks at his reflection in the mirror, and sighs. "I need to change my image."

"You have an image?" Arukenimon deadpans.

Arukenimon and Oikawa are at the cinema. Arukenimon, who has been eating popcorn, notices that the box is empty, and gets up.

"Where are you going?" asks Oikawa. "The movie isn't over yet."

"The movie is over when the popcorn is finished." says Arukenimon, walking out of the theatre.

Arukenimon is sitting at a table when Oikawa walks in. Strangely, his head has shrunk to the size of his fist.

"What a day!" he sighs, his voice now sounding like one of the Chipmunks. "I was downtown, and I saw this place to get your palm read, so I went in. This gypsy took one look at my palm, and started laughing. Naturally, this annoyed me, so I took out my gum and stuck it on her crystal ball. That's when she got mad and placed this curse on me."

Arukenimon shrugs. "Sooo, what's the curse?"

Arukenimon gets out of bed. "I'm starved. I think I'll have sausage, hash browns, and some eggs over easy."

As she sits at the table, Mummymon walks up, holding a bowl. "Morning, Arukeni. We're low on food, so I made plain oatmeal for breakfast."

Arukenimon takes a mouthful. "The sausages and hash browns are delicious, but I believe the eggs are a bit overdone."

Arukenimon is sitting at a table, a bored look on her face. "They should give awards for dull days."

Mummymon walks up, holding a marker pen. "Hey, Arukeni, I bet if I connect all the splattered bugs on the windshield, I can make a picture!"

As he walks off, Arukenimon sighs. "We'd have a trophy case the size of Kyoto."

Arukenimon, holding a rope with a hook attached, tiptoes up to Oikawa, who is sleeping in his chair.

Mummymon walks up. "Um, what are you doing?"

Arukenimon shushes him. "If you must know," she whispers, "I've tied Oikawa's laces together."

She then hooks the rope to Oikawa's laces. "And as a bonus joke, I've attached this rope to an airliner about to leave for France."

Suddenly, the rope jerks taut, and Oikawa is dragged screaming from his chair, across the floor, out of the cabin and down the mountain.

"Bring back croissants!" calls Arukenimon.

Oikawa is sitting at the breakfast table. "Mornings are so peaceful." he sighs, taking a sip of coffee.

Suddenly, an alarm clock comes flying through the air and knocks him into his cereal. Seconds later, Arukenimon comes storming up.

"Peaceful up to about this time every day." Oikawa sighs.

Oikawa giggles as he makes a snowball. "Arukenimon doesn't stand a chance against me, for I have the element of surprise on my side. She'll never know what hit her."

As he peeks around the side of the cabin, we see Arukenimon standing on the roof, leaning against a much larger snowball.

Arukenimon glares at Mummymon. "Mummymon, I'm going to close my eyes. When I open them, I don't want to see your ugly face."

She closes her eyes. When she opens them, he is standing before her wearing a blond wig with a pink ribbon, red lipstick and blue eyeshadow.

Arukenimon sweatdrops. "I'd laugh, but that'd probably encourage him."


	23. Chapter 23

**Well, here's the next chapter! And since it was requested long ago, it's the Caped Avenger strips!**

**By the way, I'd like to "thank" whoever decided to get rid of the page breaks (and in case you can't tell, I'm being sarcastic).**

Arukenimon wakes up. "Ah, it's early morning for the Caped Magnifique."

She ties her blanket around her neck like a cape. "The Caped Magnifique who searches out evil wherever it may lurk."

She yawns and lies back down. "The late-morning evil, that is."

Arukenimon strides down the hall. "The Caped Magnifique steps into the seamy underworld and reasserts her noble code."

She puts her hand on her chest. "I will seek out evil wherever it may lurk and destroy it."

She considers something. "Unless, of course, there is the lightest possibility of harm to my person."

Arukenimon approaches the cupboard. "The Caped Magnifique seeks out evil wherever it may lurk."

She opens the door, peers in, them closes it. "As long as it isn't in dark scary places."

Arukenimon switches to Digimon form and climbs on top of the bookcase. "The Caped Magnifique will now descend upon an old archenemy."

Oikawa walks up to the bookcase. As he takes a book from the shelf, she jumps...only to miss him and land on the floor.

"The Caped Magnifique forgot to correct for crosswind." she groans.

Arukenimon sits on the sofa, looking through some old comic books she "borrowed" from Mummymon.

"Hmm...The Lone Ranger has Tonto, the Green Hornet has Kato, and Batman has Robin." she muses. "Perhaps the Caped Magnifique needs a sidekick too."

Mummymon walks up to the sofa. "Hey, Arukeni, can I have my comics back?"

Arukenimon looks at him, considering. "Then again, I may go this alone."

Arukenimon folds her arms as she studies Mummymon. "As the new sidekick of the Caped Magnifique, you'll need a good name. What shall I call you?"

In answer, Mummymon throws his arms around her and presses a passionate kiss to her lips.

Arukenimon pulls away. "Come along, 'Smacker'." She turns to walk off, then spins back around and grabs him by the collar. "And if you ever do that again, I'll rip your lips off. Is that clear?"

"Yes ma'am." he squeaks.

"Smacker, as the Magnifique's sidekick, you need a costume." says Arukenimon. Mummymon runs off, and returns wearing a wizard's outfit.

Arukenimon sweatdrops. "You've missed the point."

Mummymon shrugs. "Hey, it was this or a maid's outfit." Arukenimon looks nauseated. (**A/N: Can you blame her?)**

Arukenimon looks behind her. "Here comes my sidekick, Smacker."

Mummymon runs up, wearing an empty flour sack over his head, yellow rubber gloves and an apron tied around his shoulders like a cape. Unfortunately, he can't see where he's going, and runs into the wall.

"Hey, Smacker, maybe you should cut some eyeholes in your mask." remarks Arukenimon.

Arukenimon walks to the door. "The Caped Magnifique sees a door that must be broken down."

She clicks her fingers. "Smacker, take that door out!"

Mummymon charges at the door, knocking it off its hinges and smashing into a tree.

Arukenimon walks outside. "I love sidekicks. They do all the painful stuff."

Arukenimon and Mummymon are walking in the park.

"Come along, Smacker." says Arukenimon. "Let's go fight for truth and justice."

They approach the playground, where a little girl is swinging on a swing. Suddenly, a bigger boy pulls her off, and gets on the swing. As she gets to her feet, he kicks her over.

Arukenimon stops. "Look, Smacker! There's a big kid beating upon a little kid! That's unjust!"

She points dramatically into the air. "There's only one thing to do... We'll just fight for truth today."

She walks off, while behind her back, Mummymon switches into Digimon form and Snake Bandages the boy, pulling him off the swing so that the girl may use it. As the girl hugs his leg, Arukenimon, having noticed him missing, storms up, grabs his arm and drags him away. "Listen, Bandage Brain, I'M the hero around here, and don't forget it!"

Arukenimon stands in front of the mirror. "I, the Caped Magnifique, shall seek out injustice wherever it may lurk..."

She raises her fist. "And with one swift motion of my mighty hand, I will go..."

She starts waggling her finger, as though she were a mother scolding her children. "Naughty, naughty, naughty!"

Arukenimon walks to the door. "The Caped Magnifique will now step outside to fight evil."

As she steps outside, however, she finds herself face to face with a tough-looking thug. She gulps and hurries back inside, removing her "cape". "The Caped Magnifique will now step inside and announce her retirement."

**Well, how was it? Please read and review!**


	24. Chapter 24

**To my loyal reviewers, I present the next chapter of Garfield Mukeni Style! Enjoy!**

Arukenimon and Oikawa are sitting at a table.

"I'm bored, Arukenimon." Oikawa sighs. "I need some excitement in my life."

He thinks for a moment. "Maybe I'll go sit on the roof."

"Um, Oikawa? The fire department said to never do that again."

Arukenimon is lying in bed. "Hmmmm...better do a Monday test."

She sticks her hand out from the covers, holding a stick with a crudely drawn image of her face on it. A small pie hits the face.

"HA!" Arukenimon sits upright. "Fooled you!" she gloats triumphantly, unaware that a much larger pie is about to hit her in the back.

Oikawa walks into the living room, and is surprised at what he sees. Red strands of spider-web are everywhere, but that's not the surprising part. What's surprising is that every single strand has been arranged into a word - a strand over the TV reads "some TV", a strand on the rug reads "some rug" and a strand over the bookcase reads "some bookcase".

"What the?" Oikawa wonders, then he looks up to see Arukenimon in Digimon form, standing on the ceiling as she arranges some thread on the lightshade to read "some lightshade".

"You've been reading "Charlotte's Web" again, haven't you?"

Arukenimon looks down at him. "You must be psychic."

"I just had a thought!" exclaims Oikawa.

He blinks. "Darn!"

"Slippery little devils." says Arukenimon.

Oikawa looks at his notebook. "I have quite a lot of things on my schedule."

Arukenimon looks at her own notebook. "Wow. All I have on mine is a little ketchup."

"I can't think of anything to do." sighs Oikawa.

"That's pretty ambitious." remarks Arukenimon. "I can't think of a reason to think of anything to do."

Arukenimon is lounging on the sofa, reading a magazine, when Oikawa walks up to her. "What are you doing today, Arukenimon?"

Arukenimon turns to face him. "I thought I'd finish my memoirs, then paint the house. Then it's onto community service..."

"I sense sarcasm." Oikawa mutters.

Arukenimon stands in front of the bathroom mirror hold two halves of a lemon. "They say rubbing lemons on you is good for the skin."

She rubs the lemon halves over her face, then looks in the mirror again. Upon seeing her face covered in lemon juice with seeds sticking to her cheeks and forehead, she frowns. "I fail to see the improvement."

Oikawa is sitting at a table when Arukenimon walks up, a glare on her face and strands of her hair sticking everywhere.

Oikawa frowns. "Arukenimon, I really don't e njoy seeing your grumpy face every morning. You should start each day with a smile."

"That's a pretty tall order." says Arukenimon. "Couldn't I start with a sneer and work my way up?"

Oikawa bites into a sandwich. He suddenly looks puzzled, and opens the sandwich to reveal that there is no filling, just 2 pieces of bread.

He looks suspiciously at Arukenimon, who is sitting near him. "Ok, where's the inside of my sandwich?"

"It went to food heaven."

The phone rings. Arukenimon picks up.

A voice on the other ends asks "May I speak to the moron of the house, please?"

Arukenimon looks over at Mummymon and Oikawa. "You'll have to be more specific."

"Just look at that beautiful day out there!" sighs Oikawa.

Arukenimon glances out of the window. "Okay. Now what?"

Oikawa is sitting at a table when Arukenimon comes running up.

"I had nothing to do with it!" she exclaims. A few seconds later, there is a loud crashing noise.

Arukenimon facepalms. "Timing, Arukenimon, timing!"

Arukenimon is sitting on the sofa when Oikawa enters the cabin. He is covered with bruises, his nose is bleeding and he is limping.

"I had an accident today at the salad bar." he groans. "I smacked my face into the clear sneeze guard and knocked some lima beans on the floor. A woman slipped on them and fell face first into the soup-of-the-day tureen. Then her husband threw a handful of shitake mushrooms at me and I ducked, falling face first into the french dressing. Then the woman attacked me, force-feeding me wasabi and stuffing olives into my ears while her husband shoved sushi down my pants."

"So what was the soup of the day?" asks Arukenimon.

**Yeah, short chapter, I know. Enjoy anyway!**


	25. Chapter 25

**Yesterday, Lady Lilane updated her story "A Digital Cinderella Story" as a present for yours truly's birthday. So to thank her, I've updated too! Enjoy!**

Arukenimon and Oikawa are sitting at a table.

"What's so special about a human-Digimon relationship, Arukenimon?" Oikawa asks. "Could it be that everyone needs someone to lord over?"

"Maybe." says Arukenimon. "But what do YOU get out of it?"

Mummymon places a plate of cannelloni and a bunch of bananas on the table. As Arukenimon walks up, he gestures to the food. "Which would you like, Arukeni? The cannelloni or the bananas?"

To his surprise, she ignores the cannelloni and picks up the bananas.

"Why the bananas?" he asks.

In answer to his question, she ties 2 of the bananas into her hair and starts juggling with the rest. "We're talking play value here."

Oikawa is sitting in his chair. Arukenimon walks up to him, holding a balloon. "Here you go, Oikawa."

"Um...thanks."

Arukenimon starts to walk away, then spins around and hurls a Spirit Needle at the balloon, causing it to burst and cover Oikawa in black ink.

Arukenimon grins cheekily. "Ink balloon."

Oikawa is sitting at a table with a plate of food and a glass of water in front of him when Arukenimon and Mummymon walk up to him. Mummymon picks up the glass and starts drinking the water.

"Give me that!" Oikawa snaps, snatching the glass from him. "Don't drink my water!"

Arukenimon pokes her finger into the mashed potatoes.

"Get your hands off my potatoes!" Oikawa snaps again, yanking her hand away.

"Don't even think about it!" he snaps yet again, this time at Mummymon who is about to bite into his steak.

He snatches the steak away from the mummy and stuffs it into his mouth, followed by the potatoes and the water. He starts chewing rapidly, pausing just long enough to say "HAH!"

The Digimon look nauseated. "Are you trying to make us sick or something?" Arukenimon asks.

"Y'know, you wouldn't be so happy if you could see what I'm seeing." Arukenimon tells Mummymon.

In response, he pulls a mirror from his pocket and looks into it. "Well, I don't know about that."

Arukenimon glares at him. "You've been carrying that around waiting for me to say that, haven't you?"

"Maybe." he says smugly.

Arukenimon and Oikawa are at the diner.

"Here's your egg, hon." The waitress places a fried egg in front of Oikawa. "Try not to think about where it came from."

Oikawa stares at the plate, before pushing it towards Arukenimon. "Have an egg, Arukenimon."

"Too late. I already thought about it."

Arukenimon and Mummymon are standing by the kitchen sink.

"OK, Mummy mon, time for a lesson in home plumbing." says Arukenimon. "All the pipelines in this house are connected. Thus, if I turn the hot water on here, there will no longer be hot water in Oikawa's shower."

She demonstrates by turning the hot water on, earning a loud shriek from the human in question. "ARUKENIMON, GET AWAY FROM THAT SINK!"

Arukenimon sniggers. "Isn't modern science wonderful?"

Arukenimon and Oikawa are sitting on the doorstep.

Oikawa is chewing gum. "Hey, Arukenimon, watch me blow this bubble. You'll get a real bang out of it."

He starts blowing a large bubble. As it gets big enough to hide his face, Arukenimon pulls off her glove and pokes it with her fingernail.

BANG! The bubble bursts, covering Oikawa with gum. "You're right, that was fun." snickers Arukenimon.

Her snickers fade as Oikawa grabs her. "OK, WISE APPLE, YOU CHEW THE GUM THIS TIME!" he snaps, stuffing it into her mouth and forcing her to chew it.

As she blows a bubble, he pulls a pin from his pocket. "THAT'S IT! BLOW IT BIG!" A few seconds later, he stabs the bubble with the pin.

BANG! The bubble bursts, but instead of covering Arukenimon, it covers Oikawa.

"It's all in the lips." explains Arukenimon.

**Once again, thanks for the present, Your Ladyship! *Giggle* Don't suppose you'd consider updating again in time for Christmas?**


	26. Chapter 26

**Here's the next chapter! Enjoy.**

"I feel like having some fun!" declares Oikawa.

He pauses, then frowns. "The feeling is starting to fade."

"Maybe you're having fun and you don't know it." suggests Arukenimon.

Arukenimon is sitting at a table. Mummymon walks up, a Band-Aid on his finger.

She raises an eyebrow. "What, dare I ask, happened to you?"

He sighs melodramatically. "Oh nothing much. I just cut my finger opening a tin of peaches. It was _awful. _It bled a lot, and I nearly fainted."

"But you got the tin open, right?"

"Your sympathy touches me." he mutters sarcastically.

Arukenimon wakes up and sighs. "Another day of toil."

She gets up and stretches. "No sense lying around. Better get busy."

She walks over to the TV and turns it on. "These cartoons won't watch themselves."

"I'm going to frolic in the meadow!" declares Oikawa.

He skips out of the door, then returns an hour later, looking depressed. "They built a hotel on it."

"You could hang out in the lobby." Arukenimon suggests.

Arukenimon has built a snowman.

Oikawa walks up and sniffs it. "This snowman smells funny."

"Sunblock." Arukenimon explains, holding up a bottle.

"I worked hard today." Oikawa murmurs drowsily.

He yawns loudly, then puts his head on the table and falls asleep.

"And so now the fun begins." deadpans Arukenimon.

Arukenimon and Oikawa are at the diner.

"You look nice today." Oikawa remarks as the waitress walks up.

She gives him a disbeliving look. "Are you joking? When I come to work, I wear foundation and mascara, and that's it. I don't wear lipstick unless I have a hot date. Know what I mean?"

She lifts her leg. "I didn'teven shave my legs this morning."

"This definately isn't one of your better diners." remarks Arukenimon.

"Two tuna specials, please." Oikawa asks the waitress.

To his surprise, she starts sniffling. "Sorry...SOB!...I...HIC!...g-get emotional..."

She dries her eyes and explains. "My first husband passed away while eating the tuna surprise."

"Cheese! I'll have a grilled cheese!" Arukenimon cries.

Arukenimon and Oikawa are tucking into cheeseburgers.

"This is delicious!" Oikawa compliments the waitress. "What's your secret?"

"We let our cheese age." explains the waitress. "It's been sitting in my car for 3 months now."

Arukenimon looks nauseated. "Spit-take on 3..."

"How's my lobster dinner coming?" asks Oikawa.

In answer to his question, a loud shriek is heard from the kitchen. "BY DOSE! IT'S GOT BY DOSE!"

"It's coming right up." says the waitress.

"With one interesting garnish." remarks Arukenimon.

"Would you like an after-dinner coffee drink?" asks the waitress.

"Sure! What have you got?" asks Oikawa.

The waitress leans over the counter. "Well, there's your regular or your decaf."

"You gotta love a diner." says Arukenimon.

Mummymon is making breakfast. "Hey, Arukenimon, would you like your eggs beaten?"

Arukenimon nods. "Yes."

An evil grin appears on her face. "And while you're at it, squeeze the orange juice. Then choke some toast! And mangle the bacon!"

Mummymon frowns. "Y'know, I'm getting worried about you."

Arukenimon picks up Porkchop, her stuffed pig, and gives him a BIG hug.

Mummymon walks up. "May I have a hug like that?" he asks hopefully.

In answer, she hands him Porkchop and walks off.

"See you later, Arukenimon! I'm going out to enjoy nature!" calls Oikawa.

He leaves the cabin, and returns an hour later covered in welts and scratches.

Arukenimon looks up from the book she has been reading since he left. "What happened to you?"

"I got attacked by bees and bitten by a badger." he groans.

"Personally, I would not have enjoyed that." she remarks.

Arukenimon is sitting at a table.

Mummymon walks up. "Guess what, Arukeni? They had a sale on your favourite triple-choc marshmallow caramel-dipped cookies at the store."

He holds up the box. "If you're REEEEALLLLY nice to me today, I'll let you have one after dinner."

As he walks away, Arukenimon sighs. "Looks like I'll have to hit him over the head and steal the box again."

Arukenimon is logging into a public chatroom. A box saying "PLEASE ENTER PASSWORD" appears on the screen.

She thinks for a moment, then types something in.

Oikawa walks up. "It's 'cannelloni', isn't it?"

She freezes, then shrieks in frustration and grabs the mouse, tying him up with the cord and stuffing the mouse in his mouth.

"It wath juth a lucky gueth." he says around the mouse.


	27. Chapter 27

**Well, here's the next chapter. Enjoy yourselves!**

Arukenimon and Oikawa are sitting at a table.

"Y'know, Arukenimon, I could use some cheering up." says Oikawa.

Arukenimon shakes her head. "No way, jose. I'm not leaving."

Oikawa walks up to Arukenimon. "I'm thinking of a number between one and ten."

Arukenimon gives him a nonchalent look, then pats him on the head. "Good for you."

Oikawa sighs. "Well, another day has gone by."

"Why shouldn't it?" says Arukenimon. "We sure did nothing to stop it."

Arukenimon and Oikawa are looking out of a window.

"Just look at that beautiful rainbow." sighs Oikawa. "Just think. At the end of each rainbow is a pot of gold."

"Nothing like a healthy respect for mother nature laced with a little greed." remarks Arukenimon.

Oikawa pulls something from the cookie tin. "One last cookie. One last rock-hard, bottom-of-the-pile, ten-week-old, stale, crusty cookie."

He looks over at Arukenimon. "You're going to take it, aren't you?"

She nods. "Indeedy-do."

Oikawa is eating dinner when Arukenimon walks up. "I got you a get-well card, Oikawa." She then leans against the table.

Oikawa is confused. "What are you doing, Arukenimon?"

"Waiting for you to finish that month old chicken."

Arukenimon is walking in the park. "Nature holds many dangers."

Oikawa runs past screaming, his clothes in tatters. "Squirrels with miniature weed whackers!"

"Especially these days."

Arukenimon sighs. "I hate Monday."

She shrugs. "Oh, well. It's nearly over and I'm still here."

Mummymon walks up, reading the paper. "Hey, Arukeni, it says here that cannelloni causes warts."

Arukenimon grimaces. "Shoot me."

Oikawa is sitting at a table when Arukenimon walks past. He sniffs the air, then retches. "Your morning breath is awful!"

"You're telling me." says Arukenimon. "My teeth melted."

Arukenimon rummages through the bathroom cabinet. "I gotta find something for this bad breath."

She pulls out a small bottle. "Bingo!"

A few seconds later, she walks out of the bathroom and passes Oikawa.

He sniffs the air. "Your breath smells funny."

"Yours would too if you gargled with after-shave."

Arukenimon sighs. "I should stop picking on Mummymon."

Mummymon walks past. "I really do enjoy breathing!"

"How nice. You have a hobby." Arukenimon says through gritted teeth, clearly supressing the urge to do something unpleasant to him.

Oikawa is eating dinner when Arukenimon runs up. "Blindfolded taste test!"

Before he can react, she yanks off his tie, ties it around his eyes, then grabs his dinner and eats it.

He growls at her. "I hate you so much right now."

"Well thank you for your opinion, sir!"

Arukenimon is standing near a beehive, holding a jar. "I'm going to get some honey as soon as I clean these bees out of here. Luckily, I have a plan."

She clicks her fingers and Mummymon, dressed as a daisy and blushing bright red, walks up. "You are _extremely _lucky that I'm head over heels in love with you, y'know that?" he asks.

"Stop whining and make a sound like a daisy."

Arukenimon sits at the table. "Oh boy! Dinnertime!"

Mummymon walks up, holding a glass. "Who wants a nice refreshing glass of lukewarm tap water?"

He smiles broadly."Yesiree, cleanses the system, hydrates the body, returns that youthful glow to the skin... Nature's energy drink...Yum yum!"

Arukenimon glares at him, then grabs the glass and pours the water over his head. "Forgetting to shop is no excuse!"

"Sorry."

Oikawa is sitting at a table when Arukenimon runs up, her blanket over her head. "Oikawa, I've gone blind! I can't see! I can't see!"

"Arukenimon, your blanket is over your eyes."

He pulls it off, and she blushes. "I knew that."

As she walks off, Oikawa sighs. "Sometimes I worry about that girl."


	28. Chapter 28

**Here's the latest chapter. Enjoy!**

Arukenimon is sitting at a table eating something. Oikawa walks up. "Where did the cookies go?"

Arukenimon thinks fast. "Um...they went to the post office to buy some stamps, and then they're going to the beach."

Oikawa is unimpressed. "Wipe the crumbs off your chin."

Arukenimon runs up to Oikawa. "Here, Oikawa! Have a bone!"She stuffs a large bone into his hand and runs off.

A puzzled Oikawa looks at the bone. "Where did you get this?" Behind him, a VERY annoyed Ogremon, arms folded across its chest, taps its foot.

Arukenimon is in bed, trying to sleep. She isn't succeeding, due to an alarm clock on her bedside cabinet with an obnoxiously loud tick. After tossing and turning, with the pillow over her head, she growls in frustration and sits bolt upright.

"That ticking is driving me CRAZY!" she grabs the clock and gives it a good hard shake. The clock stops ticking...and starts tocking.

Arukenimon groans. "This is gonna be a LONG night."

Oikawa places a plate of cupcakes on the table, then gives Arukenimon a stern look. "I have my eye on you."

Arukenimon grabs the cupcakes and stuffs them into her mouth. "In reference to what?" Oikawa facepalms.

Oikawa is sitting in his chair, when Arukenimon walks past, followed by Mummymon, who is wearing roller skates. "We're going to play on the roof." Arukenimon says.

"Ok, have fun." He waves them off as they head outside, and shifts his position slightly, only to suddenly sit bolt upright as something occurs to him. "Wait a minute...roller skates?"

"Look out below!" comes a yell from outside.

Arukenimon sits up in bed and yawns. "I wonder what time it is?"

She crawls to the end of the bed and glances over at the corner, where she has thrown the alarm clock and it has smashed to pieces. "Let's see, the big hand is on the floor, and the little hand is under the dresser, so..."

Arukenimon opens the pantry, then gasps in horror. "We're out of candy bars!"

Panicking, she starts running in circles. "CONTACT THE PROPER AUTHORITIES! APPOINT A SPECIAL COMMITTEE! CALL A PSYCHIC!"

Mummymon walks up. "Y'know, Arukeni, I really think you should cut down on the snacks.

Arukenimon stops running and gives him a cool stare. "We're being a bit overreactive, aren't we?"

Arukenimon and Oikawa are at the diner. Oikawa has a cup in front of him.

The waitress zips up on roller skates. "Here's your coffee, hon!"

She tries to pour coffee into the cup as she zips past, only succeeding in spilling it everywhere, and smashes into the wall.

"This roller skating craze is getting out of hand." remarks Arukenimon.

Arukenimon rummages in the fridge, then pulls out several items. "I love cleaning out the refrigerator. We make sandwiches out of everything!"

She carries the food to the table, where Mummymon is dipping a knife into a jar. "Now let's see, if I spread peanut butter on the pickles, maybe the peas won't roll off..."

Oikawa storms up to Arukenimon, the empty cookie jar in his hand. "Yesterday, I filled the cookie jar. Today, there's only one left."

He places the jar on the side, and folds his arms. "So what's your excuse, Arukenimon?"

Arukenimon shrugs. "No excuse, I just missed it, that's all."

Oikawa places a plate in front of Arukenimon, then gives a low, sweeping bow. "Your dinner, Your Majesty."

Arukenimon looks delighted. "You're finally learning your place."

As she starts eating, Oikawa gives her a poisonous look. "I was being sarcastic."

"Don't ruin the moment for me, Oikawa."

Arukenimon walks up to Oikawa, holding the cookie jar. "Hey Oikawa, if you can guess how many cookies are in the jar, you get the whole contents."

He gives her a cool stare. "You ate them all, didn't you?"

"WE HAVE A WINNER!"

**Well? Did you like it?**


	29. Chapter 29

**Here's the next chapter! Hope you enjoy it as much as the rest of them!**

Arukenimon and Mummymon are driving through town.

"Wow, this is taking forever." Mummymon sighs, drumming his fingers on the steering wheel.

Arukenimon taps him on the shoulder. "Stop signs don't turn green, you moron!"

"I'm hungry." says Arukenimon. She opens the glove compartment and starts rootling through it.

"What are you doing, Aru?" Mummymon asks.

"Looking for a snack." She emerges with several small packets. "Wanna join me? We have ketchup, mustard, soy sauce, mint sauce, salt, pepper, vinegar and relish."

Arukenimon is sitting at a table.

Mummymon walks up. "Arukeni, I'm depressed." He spreads his arms, a hopeful grin on his face. "I could use a hug."

Arukenimon gives him a nonchalant look. "I could use a Ferarri, but you don't hear me whining about it."

Oikawa looks out of the window at the rainy day. "It's raining, and I have to go out." he sighs.

Arukenimon walks up to him with an umbrella. "Here's your umbrella."

"Thanks." As he walks away, she sniggers and pulls some cloth circles from her pocket. "And here are the holes I cut in it."

Arukenimon is asleep in bed when the alarm clock goes off, jolting her awake. She glowers at it furiously. "The trouble with being irritated by an inanimate object is there's no rational way to get back at it."

She storms over to the clock and punches her hand through it, ripping out its workings. "Fortunately, I'm not a rational person."

Arukenimon and Oikawa are sitting at a table.

"Y'know, Oikawa, life is filled with mysteries." says Arukenimon. "Many mysteries indeed."

Oikawa glares at her. "I wish you hadn't taken all the labels off the canned food."

Arukenimon is sitting on the sofa.

Mummymon walks up. "Just so you know, dinner's going to be a little late. The cannelloni needs a few more minutes."

"Cannelloni?" Arukenimon gets up. "Stand aside, Bandage Boy. I'LL be the judge of this!"

She disappears into the kitchen, and returns a few minutes later. "My apologies, you were right."

She sits on the sofa and Mummymon walks back into the kitchen. A few seconds later, there is a shout. "HEY! Where'd the cannelloni go?"

Arukenimon stifles a burp.

Arukenimon is asleep in bed, unaware that a storm cloud is forming over her head. Suddenly, a loud clap of thunder wakes her up, and it starts raining on her head. "I hate Mondays." she groans.

Arukenimon is sitting at a table. "I'm hungry. I wish I had a large pizza."

Suddenly, there is a puff of smoke, and a pizza appears in front of her. She gasps in surprise.

"WOW! I wish the guys were here to see this!"

There is another puff of smoke, and Oikawa and Mummymon appear. "Yes?" asks Oikawa.

"This has got to be a dream." Arukenimon says breathlessly. "I wish it wasn't, though."

There is one final puff of smoke, and she sits upright in bed. She then facepalms. "Idiot!"

Oikawa walks into the living room. "Hey, Arukenimon, I can't find my bag of..."

His voice peters out when she bounces past him at high-speed, then starts bouncing off the walls.

"Chocolate-covered coffee beans." he finishes.

Arukenimon is sitting at a table. Mummymon walks up holding a piece of paper.

"Hey Arukeni, guess what? I just wrote a poem."

He clears his throat, but before he can begin, Arukenimon grabs the paper from him and rips it up. "Guess what? I just tore up a poem."

She gets up and walks off as Mummymon looks at the torn up pieces of paper. "I don't do enlightenment." she remarks.

Arukenimon and Oikawa are watching tv.

"You'll love this movie, Arukenimon. It's one of my favourites." says Oikawa. He points to the screen. "See, this is where Inspector Kurita finds a spot of blood on the butler's sleeve, so he thinks 'Hmmmm...this looks suspi-'"

Arukenimon stuffs her soda bottle in his mouth.

Oikawa is eating breakfast when Arukenimon walks up to him.

"Hi!" she greets him, her face rather close to his. He pulls a disgusted face, gagging and retching.

"By the way, we're out of garlic." Arukenimon remarks, walking away.

**Well, didja like it? Don't forget to read and review!**


	30. Chapter 30

**Hi there, everyone! Here's the next chapter!**

Arukenimon is sitting at a table. There is the sound of a blender whirring, then someone being choked.

"STUPID BLENDER!" yells Oikawa's voice.

"Aw, and that was your best necktie, too."

Arukenimon is walking through the park. "Hello, tree. Hello, flowers."

She then walks past a kiwi bird. "Hello, kiwi."

Then she stops in her tracks. "Wait a minute..."

Oikawa is lying on the ground, groaning. "Great! My back went out! I can't move at all!"

Arukenimon pokes her head into view. "Really?"

As she runs off, he yells "The last slice of toffee pudding is mine, missy!"

Arukenimon is sitting at a table.

Mummymon walks up. "I'm going for a record, Arukeni. Yep, 300 consecutive days without saying the word 'beans.'"

He blinks, then frowns. "DANGIT!"

"I wonder if there's a place to go buy a life." mutters Arukenimon.

Oikawa is sitting up in bed, with Arukenimon sitting in a chair beside him. "Arukenimon, just once I'd like a good night's sleep."

"Oh, alright." She reaches down and pulls a trombone from under the chair. "Here y'go."

As she hands it to him, he holds out his other hand. "_And_ the flares."

She glares at him. "You're no fun, y'know that?"

Arukenimon opens the cookie jar. As she removes a cookie, she hears somebody clearing their throat, and looks around to see Oikawa glaring at her.

"Eat that cookie, and die." he says warningly.

She stuffs the cookie into her mouth. "Wrong-o! I feel fine!"

Oikawa is sitting at a table with a chicken dinner in front of him. Just as he is about to cut into it, Arukenimon comes rushing up, pointing at the ceiling.

"WHAT? WHERE?" Oikawa exclaims, looking upwards. The next second, something occurs to him. "Wait..."

He looks down. Sure enough, both Arukenimon and the chicken are gone.

"She did it again..."

Arukenimon and Oikawa are walking in the woods.

"Nothing like a long walk in the woods, Arukenimon." sighs Oikawa. "The trees, the ferns... more trees... more ferns..."

Arukenimon gives him a cool stare. "We're lost, aren't we?"

"I'm going to scream now."

Oikawa enters the cabin. "Hey, guys, I'm - "

His eyes bug out when he sees the state of the living room. The coffee table has been broken in 2, the lamp is lying on its side with a broken bulb, the curtains are on the floor, the TV screen has been smashed and the sofa has springs sticking out of it.

Oikawa fumes. "ARUKENIMON!"

Arukenimon walks up, holding a baseball bat. "Oh, sure, blame me for everything!"

Arukenimon is sitting at a table when the phone rings, causing her to nearly jump out of her skin. When she lands, she grabs the phone and throws it across the room.

Oikawa walks up. "Little high-strung today, aren't we?"

"I'm kinda tense. So sue me." she replies.

Arukenimon picks up a magazine. As she opens it, a little card falls out.

"I hate those stupid little insert cards."

She shakes the magazine, and more cards fall out. When she stops, all that's left is the front and back cover of the magazine. "Thought so."

Arukenimon tiptoes up to the table, upon which is a roast chicken. She glances around quickly, but before she can grab it...

"ARUKENIMON!"

Thinking quick, she grabs the chicken and points it at Oikawa. "Don't take another step, pal! This chicken is loaded!"

Oikawa is sitting at a table drinking a cup of coffee, when a plate of food smacks him in the back of the head. He turns around to see Arukenimon looking disgusted.

"Let me guess... you're trying to tell me you don't like your meal?"

"In my own subtle way."

Arukenimon is sitting at a table when Oikawa walks up, reading the newspaper. "The world is constantly changing."

Arukenimon gasps. "They haven't stopped making Kit Kats, have they?"

**Didja like it? I hope you did!**


	31. Chapter 31

**Andddd...here's the next chapter! Enjoy!**

Arukenimon and Oikawa are sitting at a table.

"Y'know, Arukenimon, I'd give anything to know what's going on inside that head of yours."

Arukenimon considers. "Well...500 pounds of cannelloni might do it."

Oikawa frowns. "You're drooling."

Arukenimon and Mummymon are sitting on the sofa, Mummymon reading a book.

Oikawa storms up, holding an empty plate. "Arukenimon, the last piece of chocolate cake is missing."

She shrugs. "So?"

"So, I think we both know where it went."

"Hey, don't blame me! After all, I'M not the one with chocolate around my mouth."

Mummymon looks up, chocolate smeared around his mouth. "Um...was that yours, and was I not supposed to eat it?"

"It's a beautiful day, Arukenimon!" Oikawa says cheerily. "Nature is calling."

Arukenimon grunts. "Tell it I'm in a meeting and can't be bothered."

Arukenimon and Oikawa are sitting at a table.

"I'm not having fun." Oikawa sighs.

He lets out a yell of pain as Arukenimon punches him in the arm. "THAT WASN'T FUN!" he snaps.

"Then I'm out of ideas."

Arukenimon is sitting on the sofa when Oikawa walks up, wearing a smart shirt and tie, and with his hair neatly combed. "Hey, Arukenimon, I have an important meeting at work. What do you think?" he asks, gesturing to his outfit.

Arukenimon looks him up and down, then starts laughing.

Oikawa glares at her. "I don't have to take this." he says crossly, walking out of the cabin. "No Digimon is going to make a fool out of me."

As he closes the door, Arukenimon gasps for breath. "O...okay. 1...2...3..."

Seconds later, Oikawa re-enters, blushing furiously. "You might've told me I forgot to put on pants!'

"And spoil the joke, Mr 'I'm a Super-Genius Computer Programmer'?"

Arukenimon wakes up and yawns. "This is a perfect day to stay in bed and contemplate life's truths."

3 things happen at once - the alarm clock rings, Mummymon enters with the vacumm cleaner and starts vacumming and humming tunelessly, and Oikawa calls "Get out of bed, Arukenimon."

"Truths like 'Mondays stink'." she mutters.

Oikawa is sitting at a table when Arukenimon walks up, holding a large can of yellow paint and a paint brush.

"Um...what's with the paint?"

"There's not enough yellow in the neighbourhood." she replies.

A few seconds later, there's a knocking on the door. "Andddd that'll be the police." sighs Oikawa.

Arukenimon is sitting on the sofa, reading a magazine, when there is a knocking at the door - a 'tippity tippity tip tip tap' sort of knock. "That's gotta be the cutest knock I've ever heard." she remarks, getting to her feet.

She opens the door, and Datirimon is standing there.

Arukenimon sweatdrops. "Ok, in hindsight, I probably should've seen this coming."

"Datiri...long time no see, I suppose." Arukenimon sighs.

"Yup." says Datirimon happily. "Didja miss me?"

"Does a toe miss a hangnail?"

"Daww, I missed you too." He nuzzles against her arm.

"Hey, Arukenimon, know why people love me?" Datirimon asks.

"No, nor do I care."

He ignores her. "People love me because I'm cute and adorable, and you...well, you're not."

Arukenimon glowers at him. "Wanna find out how far 'cute' bounces?"

"Staying cute like this is hard work, y'know." Datirimon complains.

"Yeah, right." scoffs Arukenimon.

"It is!" Datirimon protests. "I even have a personal 'Cuteness Trainer'. He make me do 50 sets of 'eyelash bats' every day."

"My heart bleeds for you." Arukenimon sarcastically responds.

"Arukenimon, is it my imagination, or do you insult me at every opportunity?" Oikawa asks.

She considers. "Well, that's assuming you HAVE an imagination."

Arukenimon tiptoes up to the fridge, glancing around to make sure no-one sees her. Just as she opens the door, however...

"HEY!" Oikawa shouts, storming up to her. "GET AWAY FROM THERE RIGHT NOW! DO YOU HEAR ME?"

To his surprise, she stares at him.

"Y-you're listening to me? REALLY listening? Could it be...are you starting to _respect_ me?"

His question is answered when she pulls him close and forces his mouth open wider. "Let's see you make that little thing that hangs down in the back of your throat dance around again!"

Oikawa walks into the living room, only to suddenly slip and land hard on his back on the floor.

Arukenimon looks up from where she had been crouched playing marbles. "Thanks for ruining my shot, Twinkle Toes!"

Mummymon places a plate of brown slop in front of Arukenimon. "I hope you like this new health food, Arukeni. It's got extra fibre."

Arukenimon plunges her hand into the slop and pulls out a sock. "Just as I suspected."

**Well, didja like it? I sure hope so!**


	32. Chapter 32

**Here we go with another chapter! And it's longer than usual!**

Arukenimon takes a bite of her food, then makes a face and pushes the plate away.

"Don't like your dinner, huh?" asks Mummymon. "Is there anything I can give it?"

"Last rites come to mind."

Arukenimon walks into the living room, where Mummymon is fiddling around with the back of the TV. After a few minutes, he throws up his arms in defeat. "I give up! I've been fiddling with this thing for 2 hours, and I still don't know what's wrong with it!"

"Let me try something." says Arukenimon. She lifts her fist and gives the TV a whack. The screen shows a brief burst of static, then starts showing a nature documentary. "Works every time."

Oikawa is sitting at a table when Mummymon walks up, sniggering.

"What's so funny?" Oikawa asks.

"I've solved the mouse problem."

"How?"

"I've set out mousetraps baited with cannelloni."

Oikawa lets out a horrified gasp. "OH NO! Not cannelloni?!"

Mummymon looks puzzled. "Um, yeah. W-" His eye widens as he realises the significance of the statement. "Uh oh."

There is a series of 'snaps' and yelps, then Arukenimon storms up, mousetraps attached to her fingers and tongue.

Arukenimon is walking in the park. "What a beautiful day!"

She stops to sniff a flower, only to have her nose stung by a bee. With a yelp of pain, she leaps upwards, hitting her head on a tree branch. She lands on her rear, and the branch breaks off and hits her on the head. Getting up, she heads home, tripping on a rock as she does so.

As she enters the cabin, Oikawa looks up. "What the-?"

"It's not nice to fool with Mother Nature." she groans.

Arukenimon is sitting on the sofa.

Mummymon walks past. "Hi, Aru-"

He gets no further than that, as he trips over the rug and goes flying face first into the sideboard. As he lays there dazed, a vase falls from the side and smashes on his head, causing Arukenimon to start sniggering.

At that moment, Oikawa enters. "Arukenimon!"

"I'm innocent! I swear!"

Mummymon enters the cabin, arms full of shopping bags. "Hey, Arukeni, I'm back!"

He places the bags on the counter. "Guess what? We're having a cookout tonight. I got corn, and steak, and..."

He hears a rustling, and turns to see her stuffing something in her mouth. "...and you're eating the briquettes."

She pulls a face, then spits out her mouthful. "No wonder they tasted so bad!"

"Y'know, Arukeni, it's time you started taking vitamins." says Mummymon.

"Forget it." she scoffs. "My body's a temple."

"I know. That's why I put them in this cannelloni." He places a plate in front of her.

Eagerly, she digs in. "Hey, even a temple needs her Vitamin C."

"Dinner's ready, Arukeni!" Mummymon calls. "We have cannelloni, chicken and mashed potatoes."

He turns to the selection. "Let's see, I think I'll have..."

Before he can decide, Arukenimon walks up, grabs all the food and walks off again.

"...a cheese sandwich." he finishes with a sigh.

Arukenimon picks up a cup of coffee and gulps it down.

"Careful, Arukeni, the coffee's too hot." warns Mummymon.

Steam slowly starts coming out of her ears. "Thanks for warning me."

Arukenimon wakes up and sits up in bed. "Gee, I feel good." she sighs. "I feel like being nice to everybody today."

She blinks in shock. "I must be coming down with something!"

Oikawa is sitting in his chair, when Arukenimon grabs his arm. "Out of the chair! Come on, out!"

Startled, he lets her pull him up, then watches as she places Porkchop, her stuffed pig, in his recently vacated seat. "Porkchop wants to watch TV."

Oikawa sweatdrops. "It's good to know where I fall in the natural order of things."

"Y'know, owning a Digimon is great for single people." says Oikawa. "We have companionship without the hassle of raising a family."

Arukenimon walks past, her feet covered with mud.

"Hey, wipe you feet before you come into the cabin!" snaps Oikawa.

"Yes, Dad." she mutters sarcastically.

Mummymon pours milk, butter, flour, bay leaf, nutmeg and seasonings into a saucepan. "If I'm quiet enough, I should be able to make this cannelloni all for myself." he murmurs, glancing around.

As he turns the stove on, however, Arukenimon suddenly appears. "Hark! Do I detect bechamel sauce, which will be poured over a meat mixture to create cannelloni?"

Mummymon blinks in shock. "How did you...?"

She ignores him. "Hurry up and make it! I'm hungry."

Oikawa walks into the kitchen late at night and sees the fridge door is open slightly. He opens it, only to find Arukenimon sitting in the fridge, wearing a fur coat and eating a sundae. "I didn't want it to melt while I was eating it." she explains.

Oikawa is sitting at a table eating some cannelloni when Arukenimon walks up, a greedy glint in her eyes.

He huddles protectively over the cannelloni. "Forget it, Arukenimon. Nothing you say or do is gonna make me share this with you."

She doesn't answer, merely walks away. He is about to resume eating, when he notices her going into the bathroom with his laptop. "Hey, what are you...?"

Before he can finish his sentence, he hears the sound of running water, and through the open door he sees her holding the laptop over the sink. "WHAT ARE YOU DOING?!" he screams, jumping up from his chair. "THAT COST ME 4500 YEN!"

Darting into the bathroom, he manages to snatch the laptop before she drops it in. Clutching it to his chest, he turns to snap at her, but she has already returned to the kitchen and is eating the cannelloni. "Very effective ploy, wasn't it?" she smirks.

Arukenimon sits up in bed and sighs. "I wish I could get some sleep."

Suddenly, there is a flash of bright light, and a guy in a red dressing gown patterned with the letter Z, red fluffy slippers and holding a wand appears. "Howdy!"

Arukenimon looks startled. "Um, who are you? And I don't recall wishing to go to any ball."

"Oh, I'm not a fairy godparent." The guy explains. "I'm the Sand Man, and I help folks go to sleep."

"Really?" gasps Arukenimon.

"Yup, just a few sprinkles of my magic dust and it's beddy-bye time."

"Well, whaddaya waiting for? Lay it on me!"

He nods "OK, hit it, Charley!"

"Huh?" Puzzled, she looks around, and is buried under a pile of sand dropped by an excavater.

**Well, I hope ya liked it!**


	33. Chapter 33

**Well, here we go again!**

Arukenimon sits up in bed and sighs. "I hate Monday. It marks the beginning of a long week of drudgery with no end in sight."

She sighs again. "And I don't even have a job. Guess I'm just a social chameleon."

Arukenimon is sitting at the table.

Oikawa walks up, holding his laptop. "I just finished loading my photos into the computer. I love photos."

"Yippy skippy." Arukenimon sarcastically responds. "They're just digital images of plastic peope."

Oikawa opens the file containing his photos, then blinks in surprise. "Hey, what the?"

Arukenimon looks over his shoulder, and sees that he is looking at photos of Porkchop (her toy pig), Mummymon and Arukenimon herself.

He looks at her, annoyed. "Have you been playing with my camera again?"

"Who me? The Frida Kahlo of the shutterfly set?"

Arukenimon wakes up, gets out of bed, and storms into the living room, glaring. "I'm in a bad mood."

"Morning, Arukeni!" Mummymon says in a sing-song voice.

She kicks his shin. "If there's one thing a depressed person can't stand, it's a cheerful person."

"Arukenimon's sure been in a nasty mood lately, Boss."

"We'll see about that!" says Oikawa. "Know how to treat a lady in a bad mood?"

He walks up to Arukenimon, but before he can do anything, she gives him a look that promises pain if he says or does anything.

Oikawa giggles nervously. "You treat her with great respect."

Arukenimon is sitting at the table with a plate of food in front of her, sulking.

Oikawa walks up. "I know you've been in a nasty mood lately, Arukenimon. Many of us sometimes feel angry for no reason. Psychologists call it a 'free-floating anxiety'."

"FREE FLOAT THIS!" she snaps, throwing her plate at him, then storming off.

Oikawa wipes food from his face. "I wonder if Freud ever had this problem?"

Arukenimon is sitting on the sofa, grumbling to herself.

Unbeknownst to her, Oikawa and Mummymon tiptoe up. "Quiet, now." Oikawa whispers.

They sneak up to her, then grab her in a group hug. "We love you, Aru!" they both exclaim.

Despite herself, Arukenimon smiles. "Darn, and that was the best blue funk I ever had, too."

Oikawa is sitting at a table eating dinner, when Arukenimon staggers up, gasping for breath. She drops to her knees, grabbing her throat and coughing madly, before collapsing with a wheeze.

Oikawa is unimpressed."Nice try, missy."

Arukenimon sits up and sighs. "So much for the old 'play-sick-and-grab-food-while-sucker-calls-doctor' trick."

Oikawa is sitting at a table eating dinner, a fruit pie next to his plate. As Arukenimon sneaks up, he turns and shoots her a dangerous look. "Touch that pie, and die." he warns.

She touches it briefly with her finger, then runs off giggling.

"ALWAYS RIDING THE RAGGED EDGE OF DISASTER, AREN'T YOU?!" Oikawa yells.

"Ok, who ate the cannelloni?" Oikawa asks, pointing to an empty pan.

Arukenimon gives him a deadpan stare. "Y'know, sometimes I worry about you."

"That was a rhetorical question."

Arukenimon is sitting at a table.

Mummymon walks up, carrying a covered silver platter. "Get ready for a fancy gourmet meal, Arukeni."

He whips the cover off the platter. "Ta-da!"

Arukenimon is surprised. "Rice balls in tuxedos?"

Arukenimon places Porkchop, her stuffed pig, on the table. "Can we talk?"

She sighs. "I'm telling you, Porkchop, it's not fair! I'm forced to live with a one-eyed moron who thinks 'no' means 'yes' and who won't take a hint no matter how many times I slap him, and a human who..."

Oikawa walks past, whistling.

Arukenimon glares at him. "Do you mind! I was talking to my pig!"

As she stomps off, he turns to Porkchop. "Did you see that? She treats me like an intruder around here! And furthermore..."

Arukenimon picks up Porkchop and cuddles him.

Mummymon walks up, looking hurt. "How come you don't hug me like that?"

"To be honest, you're no piggy."

"How was your meal, Arukenimon?" Oikawa asks.

"It was ok."

"And how about you, Porkchop?" he asks, turning to the stuffed pig. "Are you stuffed?"

She glowers at him. "I'm not even going to dignify that with an answer."

Arukenimon is watching TV. On the TV, a car crash occurs. One driver gets out of his car and starts yelling at the other, only for the other to punch him hard.

"Humans." sighs Arukenimon. "Why do they shout at each other? Why do they hurt each other?"

Mummymon pops up. "That's right!"

Annoyed, she punches his shoulder. "Ah, what do YOU know?"

"From now on, I expect to get a little respect around here!" Oikawa demands. "Can you remember that?!"

"Of course I can." says Arukenimon reassuringly. "You can count on me, Kensuke."

Arukenimon wakes up and sits up in bed. "This looks like it's going to be a good week." she remarks.

Just then, Datirimon walks into the room. "Hi there!"

Arukenimon growls in frustration. "Nuts! Nuts, nuts, nuts!"

"Arukenimon, you should learn to play with Dati." says Oikawa.

"Sure." Arukenimon picks Datirimon up, and starts dribbling him like a soccer ball.

"Let me rephrase that." says Oikawa.

"How come I've known you for months, Datirimon, and you're still a Baby Digimon?" asks Arukenimon.

"I think small." replies Datirimon. "And the coffee and cigarettes don't hurt, either." he mutters under his breath.

Oikawa is sitting at a table eating dinner, when Datirimon hops up. He jumps around a few times, then stares up at Oikawa with puppydog eyes.

Oikawa chuckles. "That's adorable, Dati! Here, have a steak."

As Datirimon tucks into his prize, Arukenimon walks up. "You really trade on cute, don't you?"

"I manage."

Arukenimon, wearing one of Oikawa's spare trenchcoats, walks up to the human in question.

"Psst. Hey, fella, wanna buy a Baby Digimon?" She opens the coat to reveal Datirimon in an inside pocket.

Oikawa blinks. "What the-?"

"Black market Baby Digimon. I'll make a killing."

"Hey, Datirimon, wanna race to the front door?" asks Arukenimon.

They dash towards the door, but Arukenimon seems to delibrately hold back to let Datirimon win. He reaches the door first, and runs right out.

Arukenimon comes to a stop and slams the door shut. "You win."

Oikawa sniggers as he finishes wiring up a security camera. "Arukenimon won't be able to steal the cookies now. This surveillance camera was a great idea of mine!"

As he leaves, Arukenimon sneaks into the kitchen. Oikawa returns later to find the camera missing. "Hey! Where'd the camera go?!"

Arukenimon walks past, chomping on some cookies. "Stole it, sold it, brought more cookies."

Late at night, Arukenimon opens the fridge door. The light splutters, then goes black.

"Hmmm...the light bulb burned out." she remarks, unscrewing it. "Well, this dinky little thing was never bright enough anyway."

She heads over to a drawer, rummages through it, and pulls out a bigger bulb. "This oughta do the trick."

Much later, Oikawa enters the kitchen. "A snack should help me sleep." he yawns.

He opens the fridge door...and is nearly blinded by the bright light from the new bulb. "ARUKENIMON!"

Oikawa places a warm blueberry pie on the counter. Arukenimon walks up, drooling at the mouth.

"Oh, no. If you eat this pie, there'll be no dinner for you." he warns.

After he walks away, she sneakily removes the crust, gobbles up the blueberries then replaces the crust.

A minute later, Oikawa returns. "ARUKENIMON! I_ told_ you not to eat it!"

She looks down at her hands, which are stained with blueberry juice. "A criminal mastermind, I ain't."


	34. Chapter 34

**Has it really been 3 years since we had a Christmas chapter? Well, lemme fix that right now!**

**And about the last chapter...yeah, basketball would've probably been more accurate, but you can dribble soccer balls like that, too...as long as you're not actually playing soccer with them, that is.**

Oikawa is sitting at a table.

Arukenimon walks up. "Hey, Oikawa, look what I found!"

She holds up a bauble. "It's a Christmas starter kit! All you add is the tree."

Oikawa answers the door to the postman. He signs for his package, then brings it into the living room, causing Arukenimon (who is sitting on the sofa) to look up.

"Look, Arukenimon, I got an aluminium tree this year. No more mess."

"More like no more tradition." she mutters.

"And for extra splash and dash, it turns in an electric stand."

"Is nothing sacred?!"

While Oikawa busies himself with unpacking the tree, Arukenimon goes into the kitchen, gets the blender, and returns to the living room. 'If he wants splash and dash, let's see how he likes this blender as a stand."

Oikawa places the tree in the blender. "Ready for me to turn it on, Arukenimon?"

"Gimme a head start!"

She ducks behind the sofa. Oikawa is confused, then shrugs it off and turns on the blender. It starts spinning the tree at lightning speed, scattering ornaments everywhere, and forcing the human to dodge the missiles.

"Hey, Oikawa!" Arukenimon calls from her hiding spot. "Want more 'dash'? Try putting it on liquefy!"

"Hey, Mummymon, Christmas is just around the corner!" says Arukenimon.

Mummymon blinks, then looks around the corner of the cabin, causing her to facepalm.

Arukenimon is dozing on the sofa.

Mummymon walks past, wearing a Santa hat and singing in an extremely off-key tone. "JINGLE BELLS, JINGLE BELLS, JINGLE ALL THE WAY..."

Startled awake, Arukenimon growls and storms over to him. Just as he gets to "OH WHAT FUN IT IS TO RIDE IN A ONE HORSE OPEN - " she grabs him, yanks the hat from his head and stuffs it into his mouth.

"Sweigh." he manages to get out around the hat.

Oikawa enters the cabin carrying grocery bags, and notices Arukenimon staring at him through a pair of binoculars. "These aren't your presents, Arukenimon."

She puts her hands on her hips and glowers at him. "What makes you think I care?"

Arukenimon and Oikawa are sitting at a table.

"Y'know, Arukenimon," says Oikawa, "Santa KNOWS whether you've been good or bad all year."

"Does he give points for being ingratiating?"

Arukenimon is walking outside the cabin, when a shower of nails falls in front of her. Surprised, she watches as a hammer follows the nails. A second later, there is a scream, and Oikawa falls off the roof, his fall broken only by the Christmas lights wrapped around him.

"Well don't just stand there!" he cries, dangling. "Do something!"

Arukenimon does. An hour later, a crowd has surrounded the cabin, having seen the signs advertising "The World's Only Human Ornament." A film crew is there too.

"And just what kind of statement are you trying to make, Mr Oikawa?" asks the TV host.

"That I really hate my Digimon." he growls.

"Well, ho ho ho to you too, pal." snarks Arukenimon.

Arukenimon is standing beside the plug socket, holding the plug to the Christmas lights.

"Ok, Arukenimon, the lights are all hung!" comes Oikawa's voice. "Plug 'em in!"

"This is the part I love." she says excitedly, plugging in the lights. There is a loud FZZT, and everything goes dark. "The annual blowing of the neighborhood power grid."

Oikawa is sitting at a table. Arukenimon walks up and leans her head on his shoulder.

"Arukenimon, I haven't brought your present yet."

"Not that I'm pressing, of course."

Arukenimon is sitting at a table.

Oikawa enters the cabin, hair messed up and clothes torn. "It was horrible! I barely escaped with my life!"

Arukenimon tuts. "Oh, come on, it's only Christmas shopping."

Oikawa is eating a candy cane. "I wonder who first came up with the idea for these things?"

"Probably a gimpy elf." says Arukenimon.

Oikawa is sitting at a table, when he hears a thumping sound coming from the living room. Confused, he goes into the living room and, noticing the sound seems to be coming from the chimney, he cautiously approaches the fireplace.

A second later, Arukenimon comes tumbling down into the fireplace (which fortunately doesn't have a fire burning in it). As she gets up, Oikawa asks, "Um...what are you doing?"

"Just testing." she says, dusting herself off. "Needs more lard for Santa."

The phone rings, and Oikawa answers. "Hello?"

"This is Santa." says a voice. "You sent me a Tweet?"

As Oikawa goes bug-eyed, Arukenimon hurries up. "Here's my Christmas list!"

"Y'know, Arukenimon, it's not the size of a present that counts, but the thought." says Oikawa.

"Think big, then." she retorts.

Oikawa walks up to Arukenimon, holding a beautifully wrapped present. "Ok, Arukenimon, this is your present. I'll put it under the tree ONLY if you promise not to peek."

"I promise."

There's a moment's pause, and they both burst out laughing.

"I'll hide it." says Oikawa.

"I'll find it." promises Arukenimon.

"Suppose I should get around to baking Christmas cookies." says Oikawa. "If I know what's good for me, that is."

"Hey! You're stealing my lines again!" complains Arukenimon.

Arukenimon is sitting at a table.

Oikawa storms up. "And just what is that snowman doing in the living room?" he demands, pointing to the room in question.

Arukenimon looks over. "Melting."

Arukenimon picks up a present and shakes it. "I hope this one's for me."

There's the sound of something breaking, and a tinkling comes from the box.

"I hope it's Mummymon's." she mutters, replacing the present under the tree.

Arukenimon is writing to Santa. "Dear Santa, I have been very good all year, and..."

She pauses. "Wow, fiction really IS hard."

Arukenimon sighs. "It's one of those snowing-outside, toasty-warm-inside evenings...perfect for curling up with a good book."

She goes over to Oikawa, who is reading in his chair, and takes his book.

Arukenimon is looking out of the window.

"I love Christmas." she sighs. "The lights, the presents, the carols..."

"ARUKENIMON!" yells Oikawa.

"The Christmas cookies." she adds, brushing crumbs from her mouth.

"If you peek at your present, I'll tell Santa." Oikawa warns Arukenimon. "And he's already mad you ate his milk and cookies last year."

"Will you PLEASE stop bringing that up?!"

"I'm resisting...I'm resisting...I'm resisting..." mutters Arukenimon.

She shrugs. "Ah, what the heck?"

She drops to her knees and hugs her Christmas present.

It's Christmas Eve, and the trio are sat around the tree.

"Arukenimon, what do you REALLY want for Christmas?" asks Oikawa.

"What I REALLY want for Christmas is..." begins Arukenimon.

Then she pauses. "Um...I guess it's kinda hard to gift wrap sleep."

She considers some more. "And I get food all year round."

She looks around the cabin. "I've got my piggy, my bed, this cabin..."

Looking over at Oikawa and Mummymon, she hesitates, then hugs them. "And my friends."

She lifts her head to look at them. "What I really want is a second helping of everything."

Arukenimon is fast asleep in bed.

Suddenly, Mummymon barges in. "Arukeni! Arukeni, wake up!" he cries, shaking her awake.

"Huh-?" she begins, then remembers. "Oh yeah, it's Christmas Morning."

Yawning, she gets out of bed and heads into the living room. "The morning where I have to get up early, skip breakfast, be nice to everyone..."

Oikawa walks up, holding 2 steaming mugs of hot chocolate. "Merry Christmas, you guys." he says, handing a mug to each of the Digimon.

Arukenimon takes a sip of the hot chocolate, then joins the boys in looking out of the window at the snow gently falling against a deep blue sky. "I wish it would never end."

**MERRY CHRISTMAS TO ALL, AND TO ALL A GOOD NIGHT!**


	35. Chapter 35

**Here's another one! Enjoy!**

Arukenimon finishes eating a pizza, then gets into bed. "Oh boy, I think I ate too much pizza."

She falls asleep, only to be woken a few minutes later by a rustling. Startled, she turns on the light, and sees 3 monsters standing in front of her. "Who the heck are you guys?!"

"We are your pizza nightmare." says one monster. "I'm the pepperoni, and these 2 are the onions and the anchovies."

Suddenly, a small brown monster hops onto the bed. "And who are you?" Arukenimon asks.

"I'm the hamburger you ate 3 weeks ago."

Oikawa picks up the phone and dials a number. "Hello, is that the garage? Can you look at my car?"

Arukenimon walks in just as he says, "I'd like to bring her in for a complete check-up."

Arukenimon looks puzzled. "But didn't I just have one?"

"You'd better flush out her system (Arukenimon looks shocked), tighten her hoses (she looks nauseated) replace all the worn parts (she winces) oh yes, and have her reupholsted."

Now completely horrified, Arukenimon dashes outside and down the mountain. Oikawa puts the phone down and blinks. "Arukenimon, was that you?"

Arukenimon and Oikawa are sitting at a table. Arukenimon has a plate of stew in front of her.

"My life isn't turning out like I planned." sighs Oikawa.

"Mine neither." Arukenimon agrees with a sigh of her own.

"I wanted to accomplish something."

"Well, _I_ wanted chilli."

Arukenimon slides a vase on the mantelpiece until it is perched precauriously on the edge. She then switches to Digimon form, scurries up the wall and onto the ceiling, where she loosens the light with a screwdriver. Returning to the floor, she takes on human form once more, and props open the window with a ruler.

Oikawa enters the cabin. "I'm home!"

As he shuts the door, the vase and light fall and smash, and the window slams shut, breaking the glass and ruler.

"ARUKENIMON!" snaps Oikawa.

She puts a hurt look on her face. "Why do I get blamed for everything around here?"

"I'm going to clean out the fridge." Oikawa announces.

"I'll help." says Arukenimon.

Oikawa opens the cupboard under the sink. "Lemme see if I have everything." he murmers. "Rubber gloves...scouring pads...trash bags..."

Arukenimon enters the kitchen, wearing goggles and dragging a flamethrower. "Goggles...flamethrower..."

Arukenimon and Oikawa are sitting at a table. Arukenimon has a smile on her face.

"I hate it when you smile." Oikawa remarks. ""When you smile, something bad happens."

Shrugging, he picks up his coffee mug. "Then again, maybe I'm just paranoid."

As he takes a sip of coffee, she pulls a cell phone from her pocket. "Release the anvil." she whispers into the phone.

Arukenimon and Oikawa are sitting at a table when a fly buzzes up.

"Stupid bugs." mutters Arukenimon. She tries to swat it, but misses and hits Oikawa, knocking him into his food. "Thanks," he says sarcastically, lifting his head from his plate. "I needed that."

Oikawa is eating rice cakes. "I like to visualize these rice cakes as a juicy steak dinner."

"I don't have your imagination." observes Arukenimon. "So I'll just visualize this steak dinner as a juicy steak dinner."

Oikawa looks at her plate. "HEY! I was saving that for tomorrow!"

"Y'snooze, y'lose."

"Rats!" curses Arukenimon, clicking buttons on the TV remote. "The channel won't turn!"

Oikawa walks up. "That's because the TV's broken."

He hands her a book. "Here - try reading something for a change."

She takes the book, then points the remote at it, pressing buttons. "Rats! The pages won't turn!"

Oikawa sweatdrops. "You've been watching TV too long."

Arukenimon and Oikawa are walking in the woods.

"You really can't improve on nature." Oikawa sighs.

"True." Arukenimon nods. "Unless we put a sushi stand over there, somewhere."

Oikawa walks into the living room and sees Arukenimon with a lampshade on her head. "Arukenimon..."

"What broken lamp?"

"What if we could see into the future, Arukenimon?" Oikawa muses. "Even just one year into the future...what would we see?"

Arukenimon drains her cup of coffee. "Probably this, but hopefully with more coffee." **(A/N: Personally, I'm hoping for updated fanfics, but hey, whatever floats your boat.)**

Arukenimon walks up to Oikawa, holding a paintbrush covered with pink paint. "Oikawa, I need to express myself, so I've decided to take up art."

She looks behind her. "And here comes my masterpiece now."

As Mummymon walks up, covered in paint, she gestures grandly. "I call it 'Moron in Pink'."

Oikawa looks out of the window. "Isn't nature thrilling, Arukenimon?"

"Nature is boring." she scoffs.

He turns to her. "You're staring at the wall."

"Then our wallpaper is boring."

"Nothing unpleasant has happened all day!" Oikawa happily tells Arukenimon, who is holding a pie.

She slams the pie into his face. "All you hadda do was ask."

Arukenimon looks out of the window.

"Spring is here." she remarks. "The warm spring sun is coaxing trees to bud, and flowers to bloom. Fledgling songbirds are testing their lilting voices, soft spring zephyrs are wafting the scent of lilacs. Spring is here."

She snorts. "Big whoop."

Arukenimon gets out of bed, growling and glaring. She stalks into the kitchen, pours a cup of coffee, and chugs it down.

Oikawa walks up. "You're a real bear until you've had your first cup of coffee, aren't you?"

Arukenimon finishes her coffee, then beams at him. "And then I'm the sweetest so-and-so around."

"Y'know, Arukenimon, you can be really destructive." Oikawa remarls.

Arukenimon looks please. "I can?!"

As she scurries off, Oikawa yells after her, "HEY! I WASN'T GIVING YOU PERMISSION!"

A loud CRASH answers him. "Too late! I already broke something!"

Arukenimon is sitting at a table. "There's nothing happening." she sighs.

Oikawa walks up, covered in soot and with his clothes badly charred. "I finally managed to get the fire in my sock drawer extinguished!"

"Nothing out of the oridinary, at least."

**Well, I hope ya liked it!**


	36. Chapter 36

**Hey there! Here's the next chapter!**

Arukenimon is lying in bed, the blankets pulled up over her head. "My fear of Mondays is childish. I should learn to face them like an adult."

She throws Porkchop, her stuffed pig, out of the bed. "You first, Porkchop."

Oikawa is fast asleep in bed, when Arukenimon enters his bedroom. She leans in close to him, causing him to start gagging. "We must do something about your breath." he splutters.

"It's not my fault you left the garlic cheese out last night."

"Ok, Oikawa, here's how things are gonna be." says Arukenimon, walking up to him, holding a paintbrush and can of paint. "I'm gonna paint a line on the floor. Everything on your side is yours, and everything on my side is mine."

She paints a circle around him. "If you want me, I'll be in my kitchen."

"Go away, Arukenimon." orders Oikawa.

"Make me!" she challenges, folding her arms across her chest.

He glowers at her. "Fine, stay here!"

She turns and leaves. "Goodbye."

Oikawa is sitting at a table.

Arukenimon walks up. "Just so y'know, I glued Mummymon to the wall. Then I covered him in honey and feathers, stuck his head in the cookie jar, and painted his feet purple."

She pauses. "That didn't sound like bragging, did it?"

"I'm having a bad day." growls Arukenimon.

She storms over to Oikawa (who is reading the paper), snatches it from him, and rips it to shreds.

"I hate you." he grumbles.

"When I have a bad day, EVERYONE has a bad day." she retorts.

Oikawa sighs. "Arukenimon, what IS my purpose in life?"

"To give others hope?" she guesses.

"See you later, Arukenimon." says Oikawa. "Mummymon and I are gonna take a walk."

"Ok, have fun!" she waves him off.

He looks back at her with a firm glare. "And don't even THINK about changing the locks again."

"Oh sure, blame me!"

Oikawa and Arukenimon are sitting at a table, Arukenimon happily tucking into a greasy fry-up.

"Y'know, Arukenimon, you really need more vegetables in your system." says Oikawa.

She scoffs. "Whatcha gonna do, drive a carrot through my heart?"

He gets up, heads to the fridge, and opens it, pulling out a bowl. "Here," he says, placing it in front of her. "Have some spinach."

She reluctantly takes a bite, then gasps in horror. "OH NO!" She immediately falls to the floor, choking wildly and clutching her throat.

Oikawa is unimpressed. "Stop being so melodramatic."

"Spinach." sighs Arukenimon. "It looks bad, tastes bad..."

She tips the bowl up, dumping the spinach onto the yable with a SPLUT. "Even sounds bad."

"Come on, Arukenimon." says Oikawa, sternly. "Eat your spinach. It's good for you."

While he turns to pour coffee into his cup, she grabs Mummymon, forces his mouth open, and stuffs the spinach into it.

Oikawa turns back around to see her empty bowl. "Much better."

"Anything worth having is worth working for!" announces Oikawa.

Arukenimon facepalms. "So THAT'S whay I don't have anything."

Arukenimon gets in bed. "Well, time to check my bedtime check list."

She pulls a piece of paper from under her pillow. "Let's see...blanket? Check. Midnight snack? Check. Porkchop? Check. Alarm clock?"

She throws it out the window. "Check."

Oikawa hands Arukenimon a glass of milkshake. "Arukenimon, would you say the glass is half full, or half empty?"

She chugs it down. "Completely empty!" she announces, wiping her mouth. "Wanna get philosophical about your french fries?"

"Arukenimon, would you like to go on a nature hike?" asks Oikawa.

She looks around. "Couldn't we just get floral wallpaper?"

Arukenimon places an apple on Oikawa's head, then steps back and takes aim with a bow and suction cup-tipped arrow. She releases the arrow, and it nails Oikawa in the forehead.

"Thank goodness I missed the apple." she remarks, taking it from his head.

Arukenimon is sitting at a table.

Oikawa walks up with a large parcel. "I've spent our vacation money, Arukenimon."

"It've better been on something edible."

"Sooooo..." He unwraps the parcel, revealing a banjo. "Let's have a hoe down!"

She growls. "Now I know what 'justifiable homicide' means."

Arukenimon is sitting at the breakfast table near the toaster. "How is a Monday morning different from other mornings?"

Toast pops out of the toaster, but it's all sticky and just falls to the sides of the toaster. "Other mornings I would have peanut buttered the bread AFTER I toasted it."

Arukenimon is lounging in a chair.

"Arukenimon, I'm coming in now!" calls Oikawa.

"Boy, am I in trouble." she mutters sarcastically.

"You'd better not be in my chair!"

"Oooh, I'm so scared."

"I'm coming in now!"

"Wake me after the beating." she snarks.

Arukenimon and Oikawa are at the diner.

"Hm...I can't decide between the chicken, or the fish." muses Oikawa.

From the kitchen comes the sound of clucking, which quickly devolves into manic choking.

"Try the fish." suggests the waitress.

"Here's your tossed salad, hon." says the waitress, placing a bowl of salad in front of Oikawa.

"Thanks."

"Would you like ground pepper with that?"

The 2 of them inexplicably burst out laughing.

"Diner humour." sighs Arukenimon.

"What's the catch of the day?" Oikawa asks the waitress.

"Pan-fried ugly fish."

"Um...could you serve it WITHOUT the head?"

She shrugs. "Sorry, hon, no can do."

"How come?"

She rolls her eyes. "Because then it wouldn't be UGLY, would it?"

"How are your ribs?" Oikawa asks.

"Ticklish." replies the waitress.

He blinks in surprise. "I meant your beef ribs."

"Dunno, hon. I've never tickled a cow before."

"Well, you don't know WHAT you're missing."

"I am NOT with this guy." says Arukenimon quickly. "And even if I was, I do NOT wanna know how he knows that."

Oikawa bites into his food, then pulls a face. "Um, I don't want to be rude, but this tastes a bit funny."

The waitress looks at the plate. "Oops, wrong dish."

She picks it up. "Oh, Rover!"

Oikawa gags.

"I think I'll skip dessert." mutters Arukenimon.

Oikawa sneaks up to Arukenimon's bed, holding a megaphone. He lifts the blanket and calls "GOOD MORNING ARUKENIMON!" into the megaphone.

Startled, she sits bolt upright, then glowers at him. "You are the cruellest man alive, y'know that?"

**Well, enjoy!**


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